Watch it, you miserable little...
[Dog Yips]
[Yips]
Queenie!
- [Yips]
- 'Morning, Walter!
Good girl. Their lawn
needed fertilizing anyway.
[Electric Guitar Blaring]
[Continues]
I am your war machine
Yes, I am your ghetto scene
Well, I am your love of money
'Cause I found me a little honey
- I'm working for the machine
- Good morning, Lieutenant.
Mrs Rumsfield.
- Hi, Ricky.
- [Continues]
I'm working for the machine, baby
Oh, Mr Rumsfield, be careful. Queenie...
[Steps In Poop]
- Goddam
it. - Uh-oh.
Walter. Walter!
- Walter!
- I love that dude.
- Walter! Walter!
- Mark!
[Sighs] What are you doing up?
Walter's dog just took a dump
on Rumsfield's lawn again.
Good, honey.
I know you're in there, old man!
- Honey, honey, the neighbours.
- Listen up, mister.
That piece of scum,
barking rat of yours...
has just taken his last dump on my lawn!
I find one more... just one... I'm
gonna catch him and staple his ass shut!
[Yipping]
- I'm gonna do it right now.
- No, no, no! Honey, don't.
- Come on. Let's go home.
- [Yipping Continues]
- Hey, honey, I think we should move.
- [Cartoon Over TV]
- [Mumbling]
- [TVContinues]
We got an arms dealer across the
street and a crazy person down it.
- [Lowers Volume]
- All they do is fight.
Is this sweet enough?
Now these new next-door
neighbours... What is their name?
- The Klopeks?
- Mm-hmm.
- Is that a Slavic name?
- I don't know.
They've been here a month. Think they're
gonna do something about their yard?
Are you gonna eat any of this?
Oh, no. I got that thing
with my stomach again.
I wonder what was going
on over there last night.
- I knew this was gonna happen.
- What?
- Nothing.
- What did you know was going to happen?
It's started already. Look at you.
You're gonna sit around
all week doing nothing...
get bored out of your mind and go
back to work worse than you are now.
No, I'm not.
Please, let's pack up the car and go
to the lake. Just get away and rest.
You should see yourself. You were
up at dawn watching a dog poop.
You call going up to the lake resting?
It is four hours of driving on
the tollway in holiday traffic...
to sit in some dank, wet cabin...
and wait for that neighbour
with the enormous head...
to get drunk and fall down.
He's a hydrocephalic. I don't think
that you should make fun of him.
Honey, that's not my idea of restful.
This is restful: Hanging around
the house, just being lazy.
That's what I want to do.
I just wanna... hang around.
Be lazy, listen to the ball game...
and drink a couple hundred beers.
Smoke an occasional cigar... outside.
I'll fix the barbecue in
the backyard. I'll do that.
This is what I need,
Carol. I need... this.
And at the end of the week,
I'll be a brand new human being.
It's your vacation.
- [Crow Cawing, Bushes Rustling]
- [Growling]
[Cawing Continues]
[Growling]
- [Growling, Barks]
- Shh! Quiet.
[Crow Caws]
- [Gunfire]
- Art's got a gun.
- [Vince Barking, Gunfire Continues]
- [Cawing]
- Art!
- [Gunshot Shatters Porch Light]
[Art] Hey, hi, Ray. Are
you guys eatin'in there?
You know how Suzette is
about her bird feeder.
These crows start
showing up out of nowhere.
She's all over my back to get rid of'em.
"The crows are too big for
the bird feeder," she says.
- I don't remember seeing crows around here before.
- Oh, big bastards too.
That's why I got the
gun. I'm gonna pop a few.
Why didn't you go with
Suzette to her mother's?
Hey, I'm eating here. Can you imagine
me and the two of them alone for a week?
I'd rather chew broken glass.
Uh-uh, this is gonna be a
big week for the bachelor kid.
[Carol] Vince.
- [Vince Barking]
- Vince.
How come you're not at work, Ray?
- I took the week off.
- A week off?
That's great. Are you guys
going to the lake or something?
- No, the backyard.
- Backyard?
I just want to hang
around the house and relax.
Relax? Good luck with those
maniacs you got living next door.
- Have you met the Klopeks yet?
- No.
No, I haven't. Nobody on the block has.
But I did talk to the real estate
broad that sold them the place.
Apparently, their last house
only burnt to the ground.
- Really?
- Yep.
A hideous, raging inferno. [Sniffing]
Neighbours from hell.
Maybe.
Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm not
the one who lives right next door.
Come on, let's face it.
These Klopeks are strange.
I've been watching that house
ever since they moved in.
No one goes in. No one comes out.
No visitors. No deliveries.
What do you think they're eatin', Ray?
Well, maybe these people Just
want to keep to themselves, Art.
Remember when the
Knapps lived next door?
How many conversations did you
have with the Knapps? I had two.
- Oh, come on.
- They didn't even say goodbye when they moved.
Oh, please. Don't even compare the two.
At least, if they
weren't conversational...
the Knapps were semi-normal.
They worked in their yard. They mowed
their lawn. They had a lawn to mow.
These Klopeks... We don't even
know how many of them there are.
[Boy] There are three of them.
They only come out at night.
Ricky Butler says
they're nocturnal feeders.
Oh, Ricky Butler says.
Last week when I was up on
the roof with my telescope...
I saw them in their backyard.
- What were they doing, honey?
- Digging.
- Kind of like grave diggers?
- Maybe.
All right, that's enough
of this conversation.
I want you to stop spying on
the Klopeks with Ricky Butler.
And I'd like you to stop filling his
head with such half-cocked theories.
- Where you goin'?
- I'm gonna change into my vacation togs.
Are you done with your eggs?
I'm gonna mix the zinnias in
with the rest of the flowers.
The man at the nursery said...
- Boy, that really burns my ass.
- What?
[Rumsfield] That old fart. He's
got the best lawn on the block.
And you know why?
Because he trains his
dog to crap in my yard.
- [Rock Blaring]
- Hey, Mrs Rumsfield.
No tan lines this morning.
Looks nice.
- [Continues]
- That kid next door is a meatball.
[Rumsfield Sighs] Peterson.
He came out in his robe last night when
the foreigners were making that racket.
He didn't do one thing.
- [Continues]
- So, what are you gonna do first?
I don't know.
- Hey, did I show you my new tools?
- No.
These are great. [Clears Throat]
Carol's father gave
them to me for Christmas.
[Grunts] Huh?
- Look.
- Oh, those are beauties.
- You gonna build something with those?
- I think so.
Probably.
Hey, what time does the ball game go on?
I think it's at about 1:00.
You want to go down to the deli and
get one of those beef sandwiches?
No. I'm thinking of getting one of
those electric garage door openers...
- [Door Creaking]
- And installing it.
[Creaking Continues]
- [Crow Cawing, Insects Buzzing]
- [Door Shuts]
[Softly] Ray. Ray!
Ray, come here.
What is it?
It's my neighbour.
Hey, one of the Huns
came out of the cave.
Why don't you go say hi?
Well, yeah, I guess I could.
This would be the perfect time.
If you go talk to him, we
could see what he's like. Go.
[Ray] You could say hi to him too.
- But he's your neighbour.
- No, he's your neighbour as well.
But you share a property line with him.
We're all on the same
block, so you could go too.
We're all in the same town,
but you're next to him.
If he was gonna borrow anything,
he'd come over to your place.
Well, he's busy now.
He's not busy. Now he's
goin' in. Go now because if...
He's going back in. If you were
gonna say hi, you should probably...
He's going into the house.
You're gonna lose him.
He's gonna go in...
- Now you've blown it, haven't you?
- No, I didn't blow it.
- Chicken. Chicken. [Clucking]
- He went into his house.
I'm not chicken because
he went into his house.
You look like a chicken in front of
your son and everything. Your son.
- [Engine Revving]
- Come on.
- If it's suddenly a big deal, let's just go say hello.
- Hey, hey, it's a joke!
- Let's say hello.
- Why so edgy?
- Come on, come on.
- Try decaf.
They're daring each other
to ring the doorbell.
- We shouldn't stare like this.
- [Chuckles]
Why don't we both go say
hello, or are you chicken?
Go for it, Mr Peterson! Yes!
- [Ricky Laughing] Whoo!
- Now everybody's watching us.
- [Ricky Shouting] Good going, man!
- Yeah, okay, yeah.
I'll go in with you. Sure. No problem.
[Throws Down Gum] Let's go.
[Art] There's bars on
the basement windows.
[Groans]
- They got holes in their porch too.
- That was a booby trap.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna pay for that.
- We shouldn't pay for that. We should sue them.
[Sighs] Well, um,
let's... Let's say hello.
Hey.
[Both Yelling]
- [Screams]
- Get the hose. Hang on, men!
[Ray, Art Screaming]
- Run to me! Run to water!
- [Screaming Continues]
- [Wife Screams]
- [Ricky Laughing]
- [Both Screaming]
- Ray, over here! Run to water!
- [Continue Screaming]
- Run to me! Come on!
[Sighs]
[Ray] I think they're gone,
Mark. I think they're gone!
- You men hit?
- I cannot believe you did that.
- Neither can I.
- I cannot believe it! That was great.
The same thing happened to me
last week. I was over there.
It wasn't bees though.
It was a foaming squirrel.
In Southeast Asia, we'd call
this type of thing "bad karma."
[Carol] Honey, bee stings don't
heal if you keep playing with them.
[Ray] If we had gone to the lake,
I'd have twice as many of these.
- It isn't like anything you said is coming true.
- Where are you going?
I can't walk away without
you asking where I'm going?
I'm going to Paris, France. I'm
going to Banff, Canada, all right?
- That's where I'm going.
- [Carol] Are you taking the dog?
Yeah, yeah. I'm taking
the dog for a walk.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Hey, Vince, let's go over here, huh?
Let's not go that way tonight.
Here's a nice yard. It's a good yard.
[Art Yells] Hey, you with the dog!
[Art, Ricky Laughing]
[Art] Hey, keep that
mutt off my lawn, will ya?
All right. Have a field day.
[Barking]
He comes here to smoke cigars. His wife
won't let him. He doesn't know I know that.
Hi, Ray. How ya doin', bud?
- Hey, there, Mr Peterson.
- Good to see you.
- Wouldn't need a lighter, would you?
- Thanks.
- It is a lovely night, isn't it?
- Yeah, green sky tonight.
Green sky at morning:
Neighbour take warning.
Green sky at night?
Neighbour take flight.
Did you ever see the movie
The Sentinel, Mr Peterson?
It's about the old guy
who owned the apartment...
which is kind of like
the gateway to hell.
No, I didn't see that.
Oh, well, I was doing some thinking.
And, you know, being that their
last house burned down and all...
it's like, maybe, somebody
left the gate open.
[Rumbling, Whirring]
It's them. They're movin' around again.
It was a night just like
this that it happened.
What happened, Mr Weingartner?
It was a long time ago. Hinkley
Hills was a lot smaller then.
Safer too. You never had to lock
your doors. Everybody knew everybody.
I must have been maybe
nine, ten years old.
- You know where the big mall is?
- Yeah.
There used to be a big
drugstore on the corner there.
- It had a big soda fountain. Remember?
- Yeah.
The guy who ran it was a
rotund guy, had glasses.
His name was Skip. Lived over on Elm.
Had a wife, a couple
kids. Not too sharp.
The guy's 40 years old, he's wearing
a paper hat and making cherry Cokes.
It's a cinch he's not
running for governor, right?
Anyway, it got hot that summer.
It got real hot. It was sweltering.
That heat where your underwear
sweats and it crawls up the...
Anyway, it's hot, okay?
And they start smelling this
really vile stench over on Elm...
and they figure it's
comin' from Skip's place.
No one wants to say anything.
Do you knock on the guy's
door, "Hi, your house stinks"?
So people are trying
to ignore it, right?
They're trying to pretend it isn't
happening. You know those pine things?
They're trying to cover up with those
pine things that you can put in cars.
People are hanging
those on their porches.
[Laughing]
- Oh, you think that's funny, Ricky?
- Well, yeah.
Let me tell you what happened next.
The state health inspector
shows up. They talk to Skip.
He says he's got a sump
pump problem. They leave.
The guy's got a sewer problem.
He says he'll look after it.
Everything's okay, right?
Wrong. A couple hours later...
there's smoke pouring out of
the windows of Skip's house.
- The firemen go in. Know what they find?
- What?
Skip's family, dead. Murdered...
by Skip... weeks
earlier... with an ice pick.
Yeah, the guy killed his whole family...
- [Gulps]
- With an ice pick.
Yeah. Yeah, just put 'em
in the cool basement...
covered 'em up with a sheet and went
back to makin' treats for the townsfolk.
Only Skip didn't count on there
being a big heat wave that summer.
You know what all those people
were smelling on Elm, Ricky?
What?
Skip's family's bodies...
- decomposing in the summer heat.
- [Whistles]
Apparently, one day Skip made Just
one-too- many lemon phosphates.
[Snaps Fingers] El snappo.
I remember that. I remember
hearing about that when I was a kid.
They-They tore down the
soda fountain that fall.
These towns are full of those stories.
They're happening right under your nose.
You know, speaking of noses...
ever since this family
has moved to this block...
I've been noticing a
weird kind of odour.
Kind of like death.
- [Shouts]
- [Screams]
- [Both Laughing]
- Jump a little higher, Spud Webb.
- Oh, slam dunk!
- Sorry, Mr Peterson. It was a mistake.
- Well, it wasn't a mistake.
- Don't apologize.
- I'm goin' home.
- Oh, come on.
- Don't be a weenie. It was a joke!
- I'm sorry, Mr Peterson.
I'm gonna go do something productive.
I'm gonna go watch television.
[Alex Trebek] The answer is:
- What is Lincoln's birthday.
- [Trebek] Addley?
- [Addley] What is Memorial Day?
- Memorial Day is it. Select.
They combined Lincoln's birthday with
Washington's. It's one weekend now.
- It's always flip-flopping.
- It's one weekend now.
"Remain calm, float with arms stretched
out at right angles to the body..."
That's what you used to
say to me in college, right?
- [Girl] What about your parents?
- They're not home 'til Thursday.
[Laughs]
Gail, I swear to God, this is
better than anything on television.
- Why can't we go to a movie?
- "A movie"?
That's not real. It's
the same as television.
Trust me. This is real.
This is my neighbourhood.
[Ricky] Here he comes,
right on schedule.
[Chuckling] God, I love this street.
Ray.
- What?
- Who was Mussolini?
- [Art Tapping]
- "How sweet it is" was, uh...
- [Trebek] Right again.
- Business and Industry for 200.
[Trebek] In the McDonald's
corporate think tank, executives...
- Art, we're watching the show.
- What does he want?
I don't know. But I'll be back
in time for Final Jeopardy.
[Contestant] Nebraskans
for 1,000, please.
[Ricky] Okay, the show's
started. Check it out.
You see the guy with the
curly hair? That's Mr Peterson.
He's this sceptic. He's
basically grounded in reality...
and he doesn't want to believe his
neighbours are up to something strange.
'Cause if they were,
he'd have to deal with it.
Okay, now see the fat
guy? That's Mr Weingartner.
He thinks the Klopeks are really evil...
and that they're building
a dungeon in their basement.
He and Mr Rumsfield decided to
do a little snooping tonight.
This should be good.
[Rumsfield] Shh, shh, shh.
- What is this?
- It's an infrared scope.
Snipers use it for night vision.
What are we gonna do with it?
Get a look in those barred
- up basement windows.
[Whispers] Come here.
I've been thinking about it. I don't
think we should go through with this.
Are you a 'fraidy cat?
No, I just think things
have gone off the deep end.
Infrared night vision scopes? What
are we gonna do next, tap their phone?
- That can be arranged.
- [Art Chuckles]
Then all we have to do is burn
a cross on their front lawn.
Shh.
- Quiet.
- You hear that?
- I thought that was just me.
- [Humming]
- It's a low-frequency hum or
something. - It's getting louder.
Listen.
Is that a transformer or something?
The goddam power company.
But I can't... Where is it coming from?
- [Humming Continues]
- I know where it's coming from.
[Humming Pitch Increases]
[Humming Continues, Explosion]
[Humming Decreasing,
Stops, Thunder Rumbling]
Wow.
- [Ray] What the hell was that?
- [Dog Whimpering, Barking]
Brownout.
Smells like they're cooking
a goddam cat over there.
- I'm gonna go find out what exactly...
- Get down, get down!
No headlights.
[Thunderclap]
[Thunderclap, Thunder Rumbling]
[Grunting]
[Thunderclap]
I can see the news report now:
"They were a quiet family.
Kept pretty much to themselves.
No one would have ever
suspected them of foul play."
[Thunderclap]
I've never seen anybody drive
their garbage to the street...
and then bang the hell
out of it with a stick.
I've never seen that.
I say we get a look
in those garbage cans.
Call me overly cautious, but don't
you think that's a bit suspicious?
The three of us going through their garbage
at 11:00 at night in the middle of a rainstorm?
Affirmative. That
garbage is going nowhere.
I say we wait 'til
first light. Scope me.
- I'm outta here.
- [Thunderclap]
Rain delay.
Bummer. [Laughs]
Ray, what was that you were saying the
other day about half-cocked theories?
Ray... sleep tight.
[Thunder Rumbling]
[Thunderclap]
[Thunderclap]
No way Wednesday night. I'm in a league.
This seminar could change your
life, Vic. The man is a great healer.
And I'm a great bowler. Wednesday
night we're taking on Roselli Plumbing.
You should expose
yourself to this guy, Vic.
He understands paraphysical forces...
the healing capabilities of
crystals and the laying on of hands.
[Bangs Can] You wanna
try laying on some hands?
Wait! Hold it, garbies! Garbies!
Garbagemen! Hold on
a minute! Wait a sec!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold
it! What are you doin'?
- I'm emptying garbage.
- Are you outta your mind?
Give me that!
- Hey, cut that out!
- There's nothing here.
Not a finger, not a nose, nothing!
- Give me that.
- Here you go.
- What are you doin'? [Groans]
- You asked me to help.
Who you calling?
I'm calling the Delvaneys and
having them open the cottage.
No, Carol. I don't want
to go to the cottage.
Fine. Then Dave and I will go
and you can stay here and spy.
Oh, all right. Okay.
- What? What? Are you sulking now?
- No, go up to the cottage!
Take Dave and go to the cottage.
Leave me to pad around the house.
"Pad around the house"? All you do
is pal around the neighbourhood...
- That's my vacation.
- With those two chuckleheads.
- I am very, very worried about you.
- Why?
- You're acting like...
- What am I acting like, Carol?
- Like a guy who's on vacation!
- Like this!
- This is not someone on vacation!
- See? I sleep late!
- Get a tan then!
- In my pyjamas?
- Fix the barbecue! I don't know!
- Look, look!
You go to the cottage and get
a tan! Take David with you!
I don't care! I'll eat takeout!
I'll do the laundry myself!
I'll vacuum the house!
It'll be spotless!
Art's throwing garbage
all over the street.
Your mom and I are having a
conversation! If you... What?
- [Garbage Clattering]
- Get out of the truck! Are you nuts?
Hey, it's gotta be in here somewhere.
The Supreme Court ruled
that a person's garbage...
- is public domain the minute it hits the kerb.
- Shut up.
Did you guys pick up a
Hefty bag out of that yard...
that was bulky and
probably a little moist?
- What is wrong with these people?
- He has a right to know, Vic.
Don't start up with me. Hey, could
you help me get this guy out of here?
Hey, Art. What's happening?
No! Ray! Ray, come back here!
Just one... I'll be... Yeah.
My taxes pay your salary!
I don't want to hear any
of your bullshit either!
The question here is garbage
and who picks up this mess.
[Rumsfield] "Who picks up this mess"?
You're gonna pick up the mess
because you are a garbageman.
I pick up garbage in
cans, not from the street!
Ray, there's nothing in here.
We practically checked this whole
truck. They must have switched on us.
- [Enlightened Garbageman] The F.B.I.?
- [Art] No, the Klopeks.
- [Whimpering]
- Oh, no. Naughty little puppy.
Uncle Markie gets very upset
when you're on his lawn.
Wait a minute. You're all
dirty, and you're shaking.
I wonder if Walter knows you're outside.
- In the rain?
- Yeah, it was raining.
- There were how many of them?
- Well, uh, three.
And what were they doing?
- They were diggin'.
- Digging! Like grave diggers!
- I told you! They're ghouls!
- No, I didn't say that.
They could have been
digging for anything.
They could have been
digging for night crawlers.
- Night crawlers?
- They're fishermen. They need bait.
- Wake up and smell the coffee!
- Shh.
The kid spotted us last night.
When we were sleeping, he got up.
He went to the garbage can,
he took the body and then he...
He buried him in the backyard.
- Let's get outta here.
- I like this.
I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one
way out, and the people are weird.
- [Gasps]
- Naked ladies.
Does anyone know if Walter left
a spare key around anywhere?
He must have gone away
and forgot to feed Queenie.
- Walter!
- I hope nothing happened to him.
- I think we should call the police.
- Oh, good plan, Ray.
I think I see something moving in there.
How did you get in there?
A soldier's way saves the day. Entrez.
- [Mrs Rumsfield] Good, honey.
- [Art] Beautiful.
- Walter?
- [TV] What's been going on here?
- This doesn't look good.
- [TV] Murder, my friend.
- Murder?
- There are signs of a struggle here.
The TV's still on. Chairs turned over.
I wouldn't say that's
a sign of a struggle.
I think I should go
upstairs and check this out.
Maybe the guy's upstairs
in a bathtub or something...
cracked his head open,
there's blood everywhere...
Just don't touch anything
up there, all right?
Yes, sir, Mr Peterson.
Let's see if we can find some dog food.
I don't like this. I don't like
snooping around a neighbour's house.
You mean a dead guy's house?
You wanna take that out of your pocket?
- You wanna not steal that from Walter's house?
- Hey, what's the difference?
All this junk is gonna end up
in a flea market sooner or later.
[Ray] He might have left in a
hurry and forgot about the dog.
Okay, stay right here,
and we'll find your dish.
- Old people space out sometimes.
- [Screams]
Bull's-eye!
- [Screaming]
- What, what, what?
A dead rat! There!
[Chuckling] Honey, that's not a rat.
That's Walter's toupee.
Beautiful place to keep
a toupee: On the stove.
- [Sighs]
- I'm starving.
One thing about these old guys:
They don't ever leave the
house without their hair.
- [Sighs]
- No, sir.
Walter left this house in a big hurry.
Hey, you guys, look!
These cookies are...
- [Ray] That's great! Everybody out!
- Great, Ricky.
I think we've broken
enough laws for one day.
- Hey, sorry, but we have not looked...
- Let's just get outta here.
It's not against the
law to break cookies.
I can't believe you
people talked me into this.
Why don't we just get out
of our neighbour's house?
- [Panting]
- "Walter, your dog is at my house.
Your window is broken because
we all thought that..."
[Muttering]
"Walter... I have your dog.
Ray."
[Yipping]
- [Crow Cawing]
- [Yipping Continues]
- Mr Klopek!
- [Yipping Continues]
Mr Klopek, hi. Ray Peterson.
- [Queenie Continues Yipping]
- Listen, I was w...
[Cawing Continues]
[Other Dogs Begin Barking]
What is this doggy-gram? This just
came for you. It might be important.
Come here. Save some for your
friend. Right there. Go on.
- Honey, have you seen your father?
- I think he's in the basement with Art.
He's playing canasta or something.
Honey?
Ray!
Art, you had a dream you were gonna win
the lottery. You blew $500 on tickets.
[Art] I can't believe you're
still bringing that up.
You had a dream a plane was gonna
crash, so you took the bus to Las Vegas.
If I had been on the plane,
it would have crashed.
This wasn't a dream. This was a vision.
These people are Satanists.
They are Satanists.
This is all gibberish.
Look, the world is full of these
kind of things. Look at this.
Black masses, mutilations. Mutilations!
The incubus, the succubus. I'm telling
you, Walter was a human sacrifice.
[Sighs] I should have gone to the lake.
[Chuckling] I should
have listened to Carol.
Listen to your wife? Who listens to
their wife? You gotta listen to me.
We gotta go down to the
religious supply store.
We gotta get ourselves a
couple of gallons of holy water.
My cousin is a priest.
He can get us a deal.
- Then we gotta go to the market.
- I don't want to hear this.
- We gotta get big strings of garlic.
- I'm not gonna listen.
- We gotta get some fresh lamb's blood.
- I'm not going to hear this.
Ray, do you want 'em to take
your family, kidnap 'em...
tear their livers out and
make some satanic pate?
[Chanting] I'm not going to hear
this. I'm not going to listen.
- Ray, you're chanting. Ray.
- [Continues Chanting]
Ray, look. Ray. Unconscious
chanting. You're chanting.
- [Continues Chanting]
- [Chanting] I want to kill everyone.
[Chanting] Satan is
good. Satan is our pal.
Ray, Ray, you're chanting. Hey.
Once they get in here, it's over, pal.
[Carol] Satanists, huh?
Ritual killers?
Nice. Very, very nice.
So let me get this straight.
The Klopeks are offering up Walter
as a human sacrifice to Beelzebub?
That's one of the theories. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Great, great.
So this is your relaxing
week at home, huh?
I wouldn't have missed
this for the world.
- A week in Jonestown.
- Where are you going?
To the bathroom.
Relax.
[Chanting, Screaming Over TV]
[Chanting, Screaming Continue]
[Chanting Intensifies]
[Screaming]
- What is it?
- [Roars]
[Roaring Continues, Priest Coughing]
[Woman Screaming]
- [Chain Saw Buzzing]
- [Woman Gasping]
[Chain Saw Continues, Woman Screaming]
[Woman Screaming] Shut it off! No!
[Sighs]
Carol?
Carol?
[Louder] Carol?
[Buzzing]
[Carol Calling] Ray.
Ray.
It was so nice of you to invite the
new neighbours over for a barbecue.
Ow.
[Indistinct Chanting]
[Art Chanting] Satan is
good. Satan is our pal.
I want to kill everyone.
Satan is good. Satan is our pal.
[Groaning]
[Walter] Oh, Ray Peterson...
whatever you do...
don't let them do to you...
what they did to me.
Ooh, I bet that hurts, huh?
[Blender Whirring]
[Crowd Cheering, Screaming]
[Thunder Rumbling]
Hey, hey, hey!
- Who the heck ordered the blood shake?
- [Demons Laughing]
Hey, Ray. It's not Skip. It's me,
Art. I'm just pretending to be Skip.
You didn't happen to see an
ice pick around here, did you?
[Laughing]
Mind your own business.
[Unsheathes Dagger]
Mind your own business!
Okay!
It's a beautiful day
in this neighbourhood
It's a beautiful day for a neighbour
Would you be mine Could you be mine
It's a neighbourly
day in this beauty wood
A neighbourly day for a beauty
Would you be mine Could you be mine
I have always wanted to have a neighbour
Just like you
I've always wanted to live
In the neighbourhood with you
So let's make the most
of this beautiful day
Since we're together I might as well say
Would you be mine Could you be mine
Won't you be my neighbour
Won't you please Won't you please
Please, won't you be my neighbour
Hey, Ray! Ray, we got a plan! Come on.
We got a plan. Come on. We got...
Sorry, boys. My husband's not feeling
well. He has to stay in his room.
- [Softly] Ooh, he was bad.
- Come on.
Please, Carol, let him come out.
[Art] Come on.
He can't come out until he
resembles the man that I married.
- We don't have that kind of time.
- Please let him come out.
I think that I have given you my answer.
[Barking, Growling]
[Crow Cawing]
[Art] No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. The bees came from there.
- Watch this hole.
- Okay, let's try the side door.
[Vince Growling, Barking]
[Whispers] Okay, do it.
[Whispers] Do what? We
agreed to do it together.
[Rings Doorbell]
[Hinges Creaking]
[Hinges Creaking]
Ray. Ray.
I'm only trying to take a nap.
I'm only laying here
with my eyes closed...
trying to get some goddam sleep.
Quiet, quiet, quiet. I wouldn't
wake you if it wasn't important.
- I think we flushed 'em out.
- Okay.
The Klopeks.
- Rumsfield and I, we flushed 'em out.
- How?
We wrote a note. We
slipped it under their door.
- We rang the bell, and then we ran.
- You did that?
- Yeah.
- Oh, geez! Stupid idi...
I can't believe you...
[Grunting]
All I did was write, "I
know what you've done."
- I didn't sign it or anything.
- Oh, I can't... You stupid...
- Why didn't you... God!
- You gotta goose these people.
You gotta give them a little shot,
let 'em know that you're there.
Good dog, Vince. Go get it.
Here's the thing, Art.
They're gonna think I did it.
- Why?
- The old guy saw me write a note...
and put it under Walter's door.
So they're gonna think that I did it!
You wrote a note and put it
under the... I didn't know that.
It doesn't matter 'cause
we got 'em on the run now.
Now they know that we know
that they know that we know!
Yes, it does matter! You did
it, but they're gonna suspect me!
They're not gonna suspect
anybody. They're...
- Do you know what this is?
- It's a bone.
- It's a femur.
- It's a femur bone.
A femur just happens to
be a human thigh bone, Ray.
- Wait, how do you know that?
- Biology 101.
Look at the size of this thing.
Think this came off a
chicken or something?
Where the hell did Vince get this?
[Crow Caws]
[Ray] He dug it up from
underneath the fence.
Ray. Ray, there's no doubt any more.
This is real. Your neighbours
are murdering people.
They're chopping 'em up. They're
burying 'em in their backyard.
Ray, this is Walter.
- No! [Screaming]
- [Screaming]
[Continues Screaming]
There's just got to be some
other explanation for this.
It's just some litter.
The guy's a litterbug.
It could be a candy bar
wrapper. It could be a napkin.
It could be a crumpled
up credit card receipt.
Those things blow around all the time.
It, uh... No, it's my note.
- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
- Ouch!
I didn't see you. I didn't see you.
Great. Crush a beer
can. You feel better now?
Well...
I think it's time we all stopped
acting like kindergartners.
- Don't you, Ray?
- Yes, Carol.
Now, before somebody falls off a
roof or sets themselves on fire...
I think we should go over
there, knock on their door...
and invite ourselves in for
a nice, neighbourly chat.
Get to know these people like
we should have done a month ago.
That's a good idea. I'll make brownies.
- Great. While you keep 'em busy, l...
- You're not invited.
- Can't we do this tomorrow, Carol?
- Would you relax?
We'll probably find out more in
five minutes of friendly chat...
than you guys can in a
month of snooping around.
Okay, now, everybody just act normal.
- Who is it?
- Yoo-hoo!
It's Carol Peterson from next door.
- [Groaning]
- Oh!
There go the goddam brownies.
Hi. Welcome to Mayfield
Place. We're your neighbours.
We brought dessert...
Uh, is your mother home?
Here you go, sonny. A little
something for the sweet tooth.
[Sniffs]
I can't believe you've
lived here a whole month...
and we haven't come by to say hello.
I'm your neighbour, Ray
Peterson. That's my wife, Carol.
That's Bonnie, and this is, uh...
Rumsfield's the name.
Don't think I caught yours, sonny.
- Hans.
- Hans.
[Chuckles] A fine, Christian
name. Hans Christian Andersen.
[Laughs] What, are you Catholic?
I don't know.
Oh. Pretty girl.
- Friend of yours?
- No, it came with the frame.
- "It came with the frame"?
- Yes.
Oh, is this the dining
room? Oh! You startled me.
- [Hans] My Uncle Reuben.
- How do you do?
You are the one who lives next door.
- Um... why don't we get some coffee?
- [Hans] I'll do it.
What do you say we all sit down
for a little face-to-face, eh, Reub?
They're in there, all right.
They're just standing around.
Oh, great. Don't worry,
you guys. I can get this.
- I really appreciate your help. Really.
- No problem. Just be careful.
It's pretty dangerous
with the trip wire.
Thanks for your advice.
- [Dave] W-Watch! -
[Ricky] Be careful!
- I'm watchin'. [Screams]
- [Ricky] Did you make it?
[Gasping, Coughing]
I'm all right. I'm okay, I'm okay.
Just throw me the tools. [Gasping]
- Ow!
- [Boys Laughing]
Sure was damp today.
Yes, I just can't seem to
do anything with my hair.
[Humming, Hollow Thump]
[Insect Buzzing]
A sardine?
[Buzzing Continues]
I'm trying to cut back.
Sardine?
[Buzzing Continues]
- [Coughs]
- Um...
So, how are you enjoying Hinkley Hills?
We just love it.
- Don't we?
- Yes.
Klopek. What is that, Slavic?
- No!
- [Chuckles]
About a nine on the tension scale, Reub.
How do you like living here so far?
Pretty comfortable house, ain't it?
[Raps On Wall] Good, solid walls.
[Stomps On Floor] Good, solid floors.
[Banging]
[Chuckles]
Got somebody tied up in the
old cellar, have you, Reub?
[Sneezing]
[Sneezing Continues]
[Coughs, Spits, Crumples Newspaper]
It's packing dust. I'm sorry.
So... [Rumsfield Chuckles]
Just you and Unc living here
in the house, is that it, sonny?
- No...
- Please, this is a small family:
Me, the young boy...
and my brother... the doctor.
Won't it be nice to have a
doctor in the neighbourhood?
[Cuckoo Clock Chiming]
You know, I think it's great you've been
able to stay with all the original wood.
I was never over here
when the Knapps lived here.
How unfortunate for the Knapps.
You know, it's funny, but I don't
remember seeing a moving van out front.
I don't understand that. It
was parked outside all day!
- [Rumsfield] Really?
- S- Say, how is, uh...
the... drainage on your property here?
I know when it rains at our house...
[Chuckling] boy, the basement
Just floods right over.
Basement? Ray comes
up with a winning idea.
Maybe we should go take
a look in the basement.
Maybe that was brother down there...
tapping on the ceiling
a couple minutes ago.
Who knows?
Just what kind of doctor
is this brother of yours?
Why don't you ask him yourself?
[Footsteps Ascending]
[Door Closes]
Ah, we have guests.
Sort of.
My brother, the doctor.
Werner Klopek.
[Clicks Heels] How nice to meet you.
Ray Peterson.
Oh, pardon my glove.
[Chains Rattling, Growling]
[Heavy Footsteps]
[Chains Continue Rattling]
[Growling, Thumping]
[Opera]
I thought the candles would
be romantic... for the ladies.
- Oh. [Laughs]
- They're lovely.
I really must apologize for the paint.
I was just touching
up one of my pictures.
I find painting relaxes me.
- [Hans Slurping]
- [Insect Buzzing]
- Sugar substitute?
- No, thank you.
[Werner] It was impolite of us not
to have introduced ourselves sooner.
I find my work is rather solitary.
It always keeps us on the move.
Did you know we've had to move
four times in as many years?
- Oh, all that moving must be very hard on you, Hans.
- [Insect Buzzing]
Indeed. And tomorrow...
Tomorrow we must all
go to the university...
to discuss yet another transfer.
No. And we're just getting to know you.
That's a shame. Isn't
that a shame, honey?
That's a shame.
Says who?
And I was just remarking...
to Hans... today...
how nice it would be...
to meet all of our new neighbours...
and here you are.
- [Rumsfield] Actually, we're not all here.
- [Werner] Oh?
Walter, the old man next door. We
don't know where the hell he is.
Oh, God! Jesus Christ!
[Yelling] Sorry! Sorry! Ow!
Terrible thing, the
plight of the elderly.
We were just remarking the other day...
about how an old guy like that...
could just drop off the face
of the Earth without a sign.
Vanish. No one ever see him
again. No trace. Nothing.
- [Kicks Floorboard]
- Right, Ray? Yesterday, wasn't it?
We werejust talking about it yesterday.
I bet you were. [Kicks Floorboard]
Why don't wejust cut all
this polite crap, all right?
What's the weird goddam noise you
got comin' outta here all the time?
Uh, I think we should go...
What have you got in
the cellar, Herr Klopek?
- [Bonnie] Mark!
- Ray.
Come on. Tell him
what you saw. Tell him.
I have to use your bathroom.
Ray, remember night before last?
- You said they were digging.
- Don't open that!
- [Rumsfield] Ray!
- [Screams]
Oh! Oh!
You keep a horse in the basement?
[Barking, Growls]
- [Screams]
- [Barking]
[Barking Continues]
[Alarm Blaring]
- Is it a burglar?
- No, it's Art.
- [Alarm Continues]
- Another neighbour?
A fat one.
Go on, you mangy mutt! [Screams]
- [Alarm Stops]
- I'm sorry if Landru frightened you.
- His size tends to overwhelm people.
- Oh, no, no.
We've imposed on you enough for one
evening. It's been lovely meeting you.
- See you, Doc. Later, Reub.
- Bye, Hans.
Yes, Doctor. It's been real.
- Are you all right?
- Yes, I'm fine.
Let's do this again
sometime... real soon.
- We'll see ourselves to the door. Honey?
- [Carol] Goodnight.
- [Footsteps Departing, Door Closes]
- [Crow Cawing]
[Carol] Okay, I admit it.
They're slightly eccentric.
[Rumsfield] "Slightly
eccentric"? Carol...
- But that doesn't mean...
- Come on!
- They chopped Walter into little pieces!
- These people are clearly psychos!
Ray, what do you think?
[Art] Yeah, what do you think?
Right. Been awfully quiet, Ray.
Maybe we could have a
little participation here.
I think they're clean. I think
Bonnie and Carol are right.
- See?
- [Art] That's great, Ray.
Just pull open the door, pull
the rip cord and bail out on us.
That's rich, considering you're the
one who started this whole thing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who
started it, tuna neck?
- "Tuna neck"?
- You instigated this whole damn thing!
You know who instigated this? Your boy
watching people dig in the backyard!
- You leave my...
- Honey, would you and Bonnie excuse us?
I think I should have a talk with
the boys in the den for a few minutes.
- Okay.
- Oh.
It's good to see you've
come to your senses, sweetie.
Just a minute or two.
So, what's the deal, Ray?
Are you siding with the
chicks against us? Is that it?
Yeah, are you totally
pussy-whipped or what?
Just take your balls
out of your wife's purse.
Make a stand for one time in your life.
- [Laughing]
- Hey, Ray, come on.
- It's just a figure of speech.
- It's a joke. He's kiddin' around.
Oh, it's Walter's rug.
You got an old guy's wig. Big deal.
You've had that in
your trousers all day?
After you found this in
Walter's house yesterday...
I slipped it back in
through the mail slot.
- Yeah?
- Where did you get it this time?
Klopeks? Wow.
After the dog came up
out of the basement.
I found it wedged between
a bunch of magazines...
all of which were addressed to Walter.
Then that means that...
Klopeks went back
inside Walter's house...
and got the hair.
What do we do now, soldier?
You heard them say they
were going away tomorrow.
Yeah.
As soon as that car
leaves in the morning...
I'm going over the fence and I'm not
comin' back 'til I find a dead body.
Nobody knocks off an old man in my
neighbourhood and gets away with it.
[Honking]
[Chuckles] Gentlemen, we are on alert.
Honey, you know what you could do?
Go get those flag stones at the garden
centre and put them along the walk.
Yeah, that'd be a nice project.
I've got a foursome lined up with Art
today in an hour and a half though.
I didn't mean right now. You hate golf.
Well, it's my vacation. I just
wanted to get out of the house.
I would think, after the week I
put you through, you'd want to too.
Why do I get the impression
you're trying to get rid of me?
I'm gonna be gone all day. It'd be
a good time for you to go see Evelyn.
And you have a good
time with the cousins.
I hate them, Dad. Rudy is
a moron, and Diane smells.
Have a nice weekend.
I'll see you later.
[Engine Starts, Revs]
Hey, Carol, see my new golf glove?
I got it so I don't get
blisters playing golf.
We're gonna be playing
that much golf. Really.
Fore!
Think she bought it?
Yo, Steve-man. What's the haps, dude?
You gotta come down here
today. It's gonna be live.
No, you've got to.
Something's about to
happen. I can't tell you.
[Ray] Are you sure you
know what you're doing, Art?
There's a lot of juice
going through those wires.
You hit the wrong one,
you're a Post Toastie.
Electricity is our friend.
Besides, we wanna take
out their alarms, don't we?
I was thinking we could bypass the
fence altogether and find another way in.
No one knows how many trip
alarms they have in there.
No, I can take out everything they've
got with one clip of the snips.
- Right, Captain?
- Affirmative.
[Siren Blaring]
- [Chuckles] Siren mode.
- [Siren Continues]
Pretty neat, eh?
- [Turns Off Siren]
- I can raise all the police channels...
and the power company
channels on this baby.
- [Ray] Be careful up there, Art.
- It's okay, Ray.
We gotta get going though.
We're burning daylight here.
Hey, where should we start
diggin' once we get over there?
We start in the backyard,
then check the basement.
Be careful up there. Go slow, huh?
Hey, safety is my middle name.
I thought his middle name was Louis.
Are you sure you're all right up there?
I don't know that he
knows what he's doing.
- Well, why didn't you go up there?
- It's very high.
- [Screaming]
- Oh, Jesus!
Jesus Christ! Get an
ambulance on that thing!
- I'm okay. I'm all right.
- [Hat Sizzling]
Ow! God! [Coughing]
I took a jolt, but I'm okay.
- Can you stand up?
- Oh, yeah.
- Try one of these.
- [Sniffing] Oh, yeah, that's better.
- Whoa, whoa.
- No, no, no. Jesus.
[Exhaling] Look at my fingers.
My fingernails are black.
[Gasping, Teeth Sizzling]
- My fillings are hot.
- Hey, look at this.
The man actually hit the
right wire. There's no alarm.
- Hey, good work.
- Congratulations. Now give me five.
- I'm gonna set up a communications base.
- You got it.
- Here, you're gonna need this.
- Here.
Hey, hey, hey, Rumsfield! Dude!
What are you doing with the gun?
Just shut up and paint
your goddam house!
Whoa! Fine.
Task Force One, this is Eagle Eye.
[Walkie-Talkie] You are all clear.
Roger, Eagle Eye. We're going over.
Roger. Red rover, red
rover, let Ray go over.
Good. Now, red rover, red
rover, let Art go on over.
[Chuckles] That's great. Over.
It's really getting hot out here.
Yeah. Yeah, it is getting hot, Art.
Why don't you dig one
of your own holes, huh?
I was just checking this one. Besides,
the radio... I was monitoring...
This is turning out to be a lot more
work than we thought it was gonna be.
Why don't we check the house? It's
probably a lot cooler in there.
That's a good idea. Let's try the house.
We'll start in the basement.
We'll start in the basement
and just work our way up.
[Art] Ray, I'm thinking the reason we
didn't find anything in the backyard...
is because they probably weren't
burying anybody in the backyard.
They were digging bodies up and they
probably buried them in the basement.
[Ray Sighs] That's a possibility, Art.
I say we start in the kitchen. They
probably got some cold beer in there.
Or some knockwurst or
something. I'm starving.
It's locked.
- Hey, give me a credit card.
- Yeah.
- Where did you learn how to do that?
- I don't know how to do this.
Ah, it's a shit store anyway.
Ray, do the words "breaking and
entering" mean anything to you?
[Ricky] Hey, Mr Rumsfield! Hey, yo, man!
I wanted to introduce you to my friend.
- This is Steve Kuntz.
- Hey, dude. [Chuckles]
He's here to watch the
show this afternoon.
Great.
[Squeaking]
[Rock Blaring]
[Gail] It's about time, you guys.
Hey, man, when's the big unveiling, huh?
- I gotta go to work in a couple hours.
- Hey, man, piss off!
- Get this lame-o out of
your yard! - [Ricky] Yo!
- Get out of my yard, lame-o!
Hey! - What's his problem?
[Ricky] Get out of my yard!
[Art] Ray, look at the
size of this furnace.
This thing's got to be 80 years old.
These old places have
got to be hell to heat.
This house isn't that big.
What the hell does he need
a furnace like this for?
I think there's been some modifications
on this 'cause this conduit's brand new.
It runs all the way back over there
and up through a hole in the ceiling.
I saw some of that in their living room.
And a thermostat on a home furnace...
Is that supposed to go to
5,000 degrees, do you think?
It must be what all the noise was.
Look at all the stuff they
put together down here.
- They got this place wired with batteries.
- There's got to be 40 of them.
Look, we got power here.
This is no ordinary furnace.
[Furnace Whirring, Rumbling]
- [Whirring, Rumbling Continue]
- [Steve] What's that?
[Ricky] Yo, Rumsfield!
- [Groans, Gun Fires]
- [Car Alarm Blaring]
- [Alarm Continues]
- Awesome!
- [Alarm, Applause Continue]
- Mr Rumsfield, are you okay?
- Yes, yes, I'm all right.
- That was very cool, man.
Art. Art, look.
- Look! I found it!
- That's loose dirt.
They must have burned his
body up in the furnace...
and then buried his bones right here.
What do we do now?
I'll tell him that they
built a crematorium down here.
Don't tell him that. He'll just want to
come down. Wait 'til we find something.
Ray, that could take all night.
[Engine Starts]
Mr Rumsfield, you guys managed to
knock out the power in the entire block.
- [Engine Revving]
- Probably the whole south end of town.
[Softly] Ricky, shut up!
- Shh.
- We're gonna make a run to McD's.
- You want a Quarterpounder or something?
- Oh, no way!
Hey, you guys can't go
now. It's the best part.
- I called the pizza dude.
- All right!
[Art] Ray, I think we can give up.
They'd never bury him this deep.
Who, besides us, would dig this
deep into this kind of sludge?
- [Clank]
- That was metal!
- Hey!
- That was metal! You hit a crypt!
They buried him in a crypt! I'll
get my blowtorch! I'll call it in!
Hello! Hey, uh... Eagle Eye,
this is Ground Force One.
We have found Walter! We found
Walter! I'll be out in a minute!
Dig there! Dig there!
Oh, yes! We found him!
We caught you, Reub.
You've been playing us for
saps, but you were wrong.
[Car Passing]
[Car Doors Open, Close]
[Ricky] Mr Weingartner! Art!
Look! Look over there! Look! Right now!
Go on. Go on. I'll...
[Rumsfield] Walter!
[Walter] Let me go. I'm all right.
[Softly] Ray! Raymond!
Listen up real carefully, mister.
We got a real problem.
Hey, Ray, guess who's not
in the basement? Walter!
He's back! He's back!
Klopeks! With coppers!
Keep 'em busy. Keep
'em busy. I'll get Ray.
- Keep them busy!
- All right, okay, all right!
Stop! Stop right there!
Don't go any further!
You're going! Stop!
Hey, Mr Officer, wait.
There are these people
in my parents' house...
and they're eating all their food!
[Ray Grunting]
- [Coughing]
- Ray, Walter showed up!
- The Klopeks! I got Ricky down there...
- I hit the gas line! Run!
- Gas!
- Run!
- What is the problem here?
- [Werner] Thank God you're here.
- No problem, sir.
- This is not a police matter.
[Art Screaming] We hit a
pipe! There's all kinds of gas!
It's gonna blow!
- All right!
- Ricky sure knows how to throw a party.
[Art Coughing]
Was that your house?
Ray.
Something is moving in there.
Ray... Ray, you found it, right?
Before it blew, you found it, right?
Hey, tell me you found
it. You found it, right?
Before everything went off,
you had to have found it.
[Siren Blaring]
You got a lawsuit on your hands, mister.
Oh, God, what's this?
[Crowd Chattering, Radio Transmissions]
[Officer Over P.A. System]
Your attention, please.
Please stay behind the barricade.
[Helicopter Passing Overhead]
- [All Chattering]
- You want to step back, please?
- That's my house.
- Sorry, I've got to get the all clear from the gas company.
- I can clear this. She lives here.
- Did I ask you?
Miss, you wanna come back here, please?
Excuse me, pal. Maybe I didn't
make myself clear enough.
[Ricky] Hey!
- Oh, honey, what have they done to you?
- You cut your hair.
I like it.
[Art] I'm telling you, Officer,
there's a body buried in that house.
- Mr Seznick, right?
- Yeah, the old guy who's sitting here...
- is buried in that house, Sherlock.
- Watch it.
Where was he anyway?
Mr Seznick was at the hospital
'til 8:00 this evening.
Monday night he had
some heart palpitations.
He called his daughter and son-in-law,
and they took him to the hospital.
What about the wig? They
found a wig in this house.
- His wig.
- The Klopeks were picking up his mail.
The doctor somehow got that wig mixed
up with the newspapers and letters.
"Doctor"? You don't believe that
this guy's a real doctor, do you?
Yes, I do believe he's a doctor.
In fact, he's a very well-respected
pathologist, my friend.
I'd say that you are damn lucky
you didn't kill him in that blast.
Oh, yeah, I thank my lucky stars.
- Take care of this nitwit.
- Sorry about your car, man.
Destruction of private property.
Destruction of public property.
Three counts of criminal trespassing.
Harassment, assault, vandalism.
And that poor old man claims
he's got a ransom note...
that says you kidnapped his dog!
Do you hear me okay, Mr Peterson?
I really do like your hair, honey.
[Art] You know, this
doesn't change a thing.
They may think it does. They may think
they're off the hook, but they're not.
No, they're not. Are they,
Ray? Go ahead, tell 'em.
We got the goods on 'em, don't we?
Someday they're gonna dig
up the back of that yard...
and they're gonna find the rest of
that skeleton to go with that femur.
- It might not be Walter, but...
- Shut up, Art! Shut up!
God, you don't know
when to quit, do you?
Look at me!
I'm a shell of a man
because of you, Art.
- Now, now...
- Soldiers!
You leave 'em alone! Get
off their case already!
They didn't do anything to us.
They didn't do anything to us!
All right, so they're different!
So they keep to themselves!
Can you blame them? They live next door
to people who break into their house...
and burn it down while
they're gone for the day.
Remember what you were saying
about people in the 'burbs?
People like Skip?
People who mow their lawn for
the 800th time and then snap?
Well, that's us! It's
not them! That's us!
We're the ones vaulting over fences
and peeking in through people's windows!
We're the ones throwing garbage
in the street and lighting fires!
We're the ones who are acting
suspicious and paranoid, Art!
We're the lunatics! Us! It's not them!
It's us.
[Sighs] I don't know what to say.
What, do you want me to move?
- [Screaming] I'm gonna kill him!
- You're crazy!
[All Screaming]
- Back off!
- Stop it! Stop it!
- [Ray] Ow! Ow! Ow!
- [Detective] Break it up!
- Stop it! Stop it!
- I don't care! I've been blown up!
Take me to the hospital!
Take me to a hospital. I'm sick.
My eye hurts. [Grunting]
Honey? I'll just...
find out what hospital
they're taking you to...
and then I'll... follow right along.
- Okay?
- [Ray] Okay, honey.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, Carol.
[Teenagers Laughing, Chattering]
Okay, hepcats, get off my car!
- Get off my car!
- Dude, you should hang out a little bit.
- This goes for you!
- We've got the pizza dude coming.
You imbecile! You sub-moron, you!
- [Door Closes]
- [Mumbling] Who's that?
Oh, Dr Klopek, I'm so sorry.
You know, Dr Klopek, when
I get out of prison...
I'm gonna help you rebuild your house.
I'll even do some of the
work myself. I have the tools.
Carol's father just gave
me a brand new set of tools.
Do I look like an idiot, Mr Peterson?
No.
Do you take me for an imbecile?
No.
You may have fooled the
others, Mr Peterson...
but you don't fool me.
Uh, I fooled the others?
- [Werner] But you don't fool me.
- I don't?
No, you don't.
Am I missing something, Doctor?
Come now, Mr Peterson.
You were in my basement.
Surely, you looked in the furnace.
[Stammering] I saw
your furnace, Doctor...
but I figured a man's
furnace is his own business.
You saw one of my skulls, didn't you?
Oh, yes. I know you did.
It belonged to a neighbour of yours.
The name was Knapp.
We took the house from them.
I offered to buy it, but
you know how old people are.
They grow so attached to things.
Uh, you know, Dr Klopek,
I think I forgot my wallet.
- [Grunts]
- I let you keep the femur.
Now, now, I want my skull.
- Or, perhaps, I might just take yours.
- [Coughing]
Hans.
- [Ray Groaning] Uh, hey!
- [Starts Engine]
[Screaming, Muffled]
- [Tyres Squealing]
- [Ray Yelling]
[Horns Honking]
[Ricky] Hey, the pizza dude!
[Screaming]
- [Cheering]
- Yeah! Way to go!
- [Ray Screaming]
- Far out.
Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!
I, Ray Peterson, am placing
you under citizen's arrest...
for my attempted murder!
The man doesn't know
what he's talking about.
- Citizen's arrest. Citizen's arrest.
- Oh, Ray.
Don't start with me, Carol. The man
confessed. They murdered the Knapps.
- [Werner] He's demented.
- Hey, Sherlock.
Get the Klopeks to tell you
where they buried the stiffs.
[Detective] You don't have a
stiff. You don't have any evidence.
- You do now.
- [Screams]
This your vehicle, Dr Klopek?
[Detective] Let's go, Doc.
Hey! Pinocchio!
Where are you going?
Gotcha!
[Grunting]
Don't you make a move, sonny.
I was 18 months in the bush, and I
can snap your neck in a heartbeat.
I think the message to
psychos, fanatics, murderers...
nutcases all over the world is, uh...
do not mess with suburbanites because,
uh, we're not gonna take it any more.
We're not gonna be content
to look after our lawns...
and wax our cars, paint our houses.
We're out to get 'em, Don.
We are out to get them.
- Hello.
- Hi.
[Sighs] So, what are you gonna do now?
I'm gonna pack a bag
and go up to the lake.
We got 'em, neighbour.
- Get away from him.
- [Art] Hey, you guys.
You wanna go down to Bowl-O-Rama
for a beer or something?
Man, that was an incredible choke hold
you put on me, pal. The guy's a brute.
How's that finger? Is it okay?
Where are you guys
going? Where you going?
I'm going on vacation.
"Vacation"? What, are you crazy?
This is a major media event here.
Geraldo Rivera's coming, and he's gonna
excavate the basement of the Klopeks!
It's gonna be broadcast on
satellite all over the world, live!
Art!
Your wife's home.
- And your house is on fire!
- Art, where are you?
My wife is home!
Mr Peterson, where you going?
It's just starting to get good.
I'm going away for a while, Ricky.
I want you to keep an eye
on the neighbourhood for me.
You betcha, Mr Peterson.
No problem.
[Barking]
God, I love this street.