A diamond sun cuts down
A frozen winter sky
As the world and I go screaming
Into the phantom night
Doesn't matter where it leads
I got nowhere else to go
If there's any chance at all
- It's somewhere down this road
- Come on! Put it to the floor! Come on!
- To be wild again
- Let's go!
No one's child again
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Full of fire again
Oh, to be wild again
Here we go.
Here we go.
Pull over! Pull over!
Pull over!
Pull over!
- Get over!
- Slow down, slow down! Slow down!
Slow down. Slow down.
Slow down.
And I never felt so free
Oh, there had to be a crossroad
- Hey!
- A place to draw the line
- Come on, come on.
- And it came down to the question
- Open up.
- Is this life I'm livin' mine
Defenders of the nation,
I bid thee a fond farewell.
Make a million.
Make a million, buddy.
I wanna find the edge
Risk it all to win
I wanna see those eyes
in the mirror
Full of fire again
I wanna be wild again
Wild again
Mike! Mike, looky there.
Mike, look at that.
Look at that.
You see that city out there, kid?
See that big town? One day,
we're gonna own that town, you and me.
What do you think of that?
Yeah.
Smart kid.
There has to be a crossroad
A place to draw the line
And it comes down to the question
What is theirs and what is mine
Wild again
Next stop, Barton Boulevard.
Hey!
Uncle Pat, you'd better be careful or
you're gonna throw that back out again.
Don't worry about me.
I can handle it.
So, home from the wars, huh?
- How you doing?
- Oh, I'm doing fine.
Servicing all the widows
in the neighbourhood now.
Same old Uncle Pat.
Flat beer from rusty pipes.
If you only knew
how I missed it.
You might have changed a lot,
but they sure didn't beat
the wise guy out of you.
- Not a chance of that.
- I saved the apartment for you.
I sublet it to a couple of yuppies.
They loved your mother's furniture.
They said it was quaint.
I still remember the day
they came to repossess it.
Yeah, well...
So what are you gonna do now?
Make a million.
Well, in the meantime,
I'll ask McDougal to give you a job
while you're waiting.
No way!
- It was good enough for your old man.
- So was arthritis.
He supported a family,
just like you're gonna have to do.
No, not me. I am not
falling into that trap.
Every man wakes up one fine
morning with a wife and kids.
"Where'd they come from?
They weren't there last time I looked."
That's 'cause most things
in life, good and bad...
just kind of happen to you.
Well, I'm gonna make
things happen for me.
Sure you will.
That'll be a buck
for the beer.
What?
Your nephew comes home
from serving his country...
and he doesn't even rate
a beer on the house?
- You don't get rich giving things away.
- Oh, how do you get rich?
I'm gonna give you
your first lesson on the house.
I've been here 25 years.
Never bought a drink.
Right, Eddie?
I can testify to that!
In 1969, the Mets
won the World Series.
Eddie here starts pounding on the bar,
demanding a round on the house.
"Drinks for everybody," he says.
Tell him what I did, Eddie.
He whacked me with a club.
Almost knocked the eye out of my head!
That's your way of making money?
You outwork, outthink,
outscheme and outmanoeuvre.
You make no friends
and trust nobody.
And you make damn sure
you're the smartest guy in the room...
whenever the subject
of money comes up.
I don't know, Uncle Pat.
Doesn't sound like too much fun to me.
Fun? You want fun,
you go play at the beach.
Think I'll try the city first.
Well, here.
This'll get you there in style.
Ooh! Ten dollars. Uncle Pat!
Why don't you buy Eddie
a binge on me, huh?
Eddie, you gotta be
quicker than that, man.
I've always wanted
to work on Wall Street.
I read the Journal.
I know what's going on today...
and I'm willing to do
whatever it takes to succeed.
I appreciate that, Flanagan, but all
our professionals have college degrees.
I catch on pretty quick.
- You're wasting your time.
- Just forget the Street.
- No.
- We're not interested.
- A guy like you: advertising.
I have a feel for advertising.
I mean, I can look at an ad
and tell you what's wrong with it.
Mr Flanagan,
we need solid credentials.
- A marketing degree is a prerequisite.
- Try the networks.
In the army, I spent a lot of time
in communications.
I think I can help you.
Well, we need somebody
who can hit the ground running.
Maybe in six or
eight months, but...
You should pursue
other avenues.
- Maybe you should reenlist.
- I believe in positive thinking.
Never quit. Never say "die."
I want to be part of the team.
- So, what do you think?
- Your rsum is completely inadequate.
- I'm willing to start at the bottom.
- You're aiming too high.
- I'll do anything.
- You don't have enough experience.
- No, I need a job.
- We value education.
- We require a degree.
- You should go to college.
- The bar's closed, pal.
- I know. I'm looking for the manager.
What's the matter?
Find a hair in your quiche?
No. I'm looking for a job.
I see. You want to put a hair
in somebody else's quiche.
- Just get canned?
- I'm looking...
Looking for
something better.
Coughlin's Law:
"Anything else
is always something better."
Coughlin's Law?
Douglas Coughlin,
logical negativist.
Flourished in the last part
of the 20th century.
Propounded a set of laws that
the world generally ignored...
to its detriment.
Me.
- Ever work behind the bar?
- My uncle's in the business.
You know how to make a "Red Eye,"
mister... What's your name?
Brian Flanagan.
No, I'm...
sorry I haven't had
the pleasure as yet.
What about a vodka martini
with a Pernod float?
I'm a fast learner.
Ever throw a 400-pound
psychopath out of a bar?
I guess I could if I had to.
What about a 100-pound ballerina
that's been speeding for three days?
Just open the door and let her
pirouette out in the street?
Well, these are just some of the tasks
you'll be asked to perform,
young Flanagan.
This is the Upper East Side,
the saloon capital of the world.
The big time.
Are you ready for the big time,
young Mr Flanagan?
I think I can handle it.
- Get your act together!
- Vodka and Rose's, please!
Hey, come on, man!
I got four people waiting for me!
I'm not going back there
with three drinks!
I know! It's coming!
Absolut on the rocks,
Gilbey's and tonic, and a Velvet Hammer.
- This isn't what I ordered!
- A Molson and a Cuba Libre!
- What was that?
- A Molson and a Cuba Libre!
What is this,
"hire the handicapped" week?
If you're gonna sit in the water,
go to Coney Island!
You want me
to bite the top off this?
Here. This has got recipes.
- Ordering a Cuba Libre!
- Could I please have a glass of water?
- He doesn't know how to make it!
- Where's my Jim Beam on the rocks?
It's coming!
I'm not leaving
until I get my Cuba Libre!
Excuse me.
Could I have an Orgasm?
- This isn't what I ordered!
- A white wine.
You bitch!
Why didn't you just tell me
it was a rum and Coke?
- Could I have what I ordered?
- A Bloody Mary.
- A white wine.
- Pink Squirrel!
- A Friar Tuck!
- A Ding-a-ling!
- A white wine!
- Pink Squirrel!
- Angel Tit!
- A Dirty Mother!
- Can I have what I ordered?
- All right!
All right! Now, what was it
that you ordered?
A martini!
What's in that?
You're supposed to get
ten percent from the waitresses.
I don't deserve it.
Hey, schmuck, do you get
money from girls every day?
Listen, I'm sorry
I called you a bitch.
Why? I am a bitch.
Got yourself a new disciple?
Good night, my beautiful.
Hey, frogman.
Anyone that can get money
out of her is a major talent.
Come back next Thursday.
I've got five shifts open.
- You're offering me a job?
- Uh-huh.
The waitresses hate me.
Well, you wait till
you've given them crabs.
Then you'll really know hatred.
Today I'd like to continue
our discussion of the demand
for money by focusing on...
the money multiplier.
You've got to add increases in currency,
deposits, reserves and bank credit
along the whole system.
Then what we have is a sum
of an infinite series.
Adding together the increases
in currency and deposits...
we find that they add up
to one plus CU over CU plus RE.
That, simply stated,
is the money multiplier.
Now, moving on.
The essential technique
of bartending:
Less is more.
The less you pour,
the more you score.
The boss does better,
we do better.
And the customer?
Think of the customer as a hurdler
thinks of a hurdle: a means to an end.
We dazzle him with ice work...
we baffle him with bottle work.
There are many ways
to fool a customer.
The short pour.
The long pour.
The ice mountain,
the spring thaw.
The speed-rack shuffle,
the hot shot.
You will learn them all.
Yes, Obi-Wan.
Both hands. Ladies, ladies,
come on, come on.
Okay, ready?
One, two, three, let go!
Yeah, what does it mean?
What does it mean? Nothing!
- Nothing?
- Nothing? All right!
Nothing?
Whoa!
- Very sophisticated, man!
- What a good jolt!
You got it going!
Come on, let's go with the drinks.
I'm making money tonight.
Let's make some money
for a change!
Ice!
- Catch!
- Thank you!
I guess that's what
you learn in college, right?
What buns! See?
Don't forget my beers, Bri!
- Missed me.
- Ha!
See, the name of the game
is "woman."
The little darlings
come in a-panting.
Their little hearts are pitter-patting
for the handsome, all-knowing bartender.
And in their wake,
a parade of slobbering geeks...
with one hand on their crotches
and the other hand on their wallets.
You get the women, you get the bucks.
And boy, oh, boy, you've got them.
Buttons were popping,
skirts were rising.
When you can see
the colour of their panties...
then you know
you've got talent.
Stick with me, son.
I'll make you a star.
Thanks, man,
but I gotta be honest.
This is just
a part-time gig for me.
I'm in a business programme,
City College, days.
Ah. A seeker of wisdom and truth.
You couldn't have found a better
work-study programme than right here.
- To a future leader of America.
- I'll stick with the brew.
Beer is for breakfast around here.
Drink or be gone.
I realize I've got a class
of budding capitalists here.
That most of you are seeking
the fast track...
lovely term...
to a career in investment banking
or some other socially useful pursuit.
Nevertheless,
certain antiquated skills...
such as reading and writing...
remain a part
of the curriculum.
So, for your first assignment...
I'd like you to write
your own obituaries.
Not that I wish you were dead.
At least not yet, anyway.
Brian Flanagan.
Senator Brian Flan...
Billionaire governor...
Brian Flanagan, whose self-propelled,
meteoric rise to wealth and fame...
would have made even
J.D. Rockefeller envious...
died early yesterday morning
at the age of 99...
while bedding his
18-year-old seventh wife, Heidi...
who is recovering from exhaustion
at the local hospital...
and will be unable
to attend the funeral.
For your midterm paper...
I want you to select a business
in which you are interested...
and to prepare a complete plan
for its development.
You should include
capitalization...
administrative costs...
income prospectus...
marketing...
cost analysis...
Blue shirt, fifth row, wake up!
Ah! Light dawns
on marble head.
Where was I?
Yeah! Whoo!
Can't get enough, you know
You're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
Might as well face it
You're addicted to love
I have got serious "fuck me" eyes
coming over here.
Stay in formation. Her old man's
coming in right behind her.
Finnegan, Finnegan.
Time, time.
Oh, shit.
- Brian.
- Huh?
- Bottle.
- Yeah.
- Brian.
- Yeah.
Try and make it by closing,
would you?
I'm doing the best I can!
Okay?
Sexual frustration.
I asked you to prepare
a business plan...
a seemingly simple assignment.
And yet one word
describes your papers:
bankrupt!
Bankrupt!
A word some of you will get
to know well in the future.
Like Mr Ron Lemaster.
Where is Ronnie Lemaster?
Yes...
our cosmetics magnate
who hopes to make his fortune...
selling make-up for pets!
Fetch, Ronnie, fetch.
Good boy.
And my own personal favourite,
Mrs Sheila Rivkin.
Oh, my God.
He's got my paper.
Mrs Rivkin has spent the last 20 years
burning her husband's dinners...
but now decides she wants
to become the Donald Trump...
of the cookie business... You!
You! You have
something to contribute?
I just said it wasn't worth
getting upset about.
- What's your name?
- Brian Flanagan.
Now speak up!
Let the class hear you.
- Brian Flanagan!
- Oh, yes, Flanagan.
Mr Flanagan.
Mr Brian Flanagan.
Let us see.
Yes, Mr Flanagan is determined...
to revolutionize
the bar business...
by franchising his version
of the local New York tavern...
to every suburban
shopping mall in America.
Tell me, Mr Flanagan...
do you intend to provide
the smell of stale beer?
Or perhaps a surly bartender...
and three boring drunks
to each outlet?
I don't know.
You looking for another job?
Ah. A diamond in the rough.
The dreamer who can't
take the criticism.
Not from a guy who hides here 'cause
he can't hack it in the real world.
Okay, Flanagan.
Let's see how well you hack it
in the real world...
with an "F" in this course.
"F!"
Not a goddam thing any one
of those professors says...
makes a difference
on the street.
If you know that,
you're ready to graduate.
Maybe I'm just too old
to be a student.
Christ.
I've got to find something...
something to do.
Relax.
You're in the perfect job.
There's no better way to make it
than behind three feet of mahogany.
Within one square mile
of this saloon...
lies the greatest concentration
of wealth in the world.
Yes...
but how is a bartender...
gonna get his hands
on any of it?
A bartender is the aristocrat
of the working class.
He can make all kinds of moves
if he's smart.
There are investors out there.
There are angels.
There are suckers.
There are rich women with
nothing to do with their money.
You can stand in this bar
and you can be struck by lightning.
I've seen it happen.
- Shall I continue?
- Oh, please do.
Chantilly lace
and a pretty face
And a ponytail
just a-hangin'down
A wiggle in her walk
and a giggle in her talk
Makes the world go round
There ain't nothin'in the world
like a big-eyed girl
Make me act so funny
Make me spend my money
Make me feel loose
Like a real live goose
Oh, baby, that's what I like
It is not dignified
to get this drunk.
- You are in training.
- I'm in training?
- For stardom.
- For stardom?
I don't care how liberated
this world becomes...
- a man will always be judged
on the amount of alcohol...
- I knew I was in training for something.
he can consume.
- Always.
- And a woman will be impressed...
whether she likes it or not.
- Now, come on.
- I'm not gonna make it.
You are. A star never pukes
or passes out in public.
No.
Aah!
Holy shit.
Hey, are you okay?
You alive?
However...
falling down stairs is allowed.
Whoops!
Sure you don't want a slice?
For breakfast?
You've gotta be joking.
- It's better than a Red Eye.
- Not for a hangover.
Coughlin's Diet:
cocktails and dreams.
Hey, that's not
a bad name for a joint.
You know, we really ought to think
about setting up our own place.
That takes money.
The kind of money your sacred books
dangle but never deliver.
They deliver.
You just gotta know
how to read.
I mean, come on.
We could make a fortune!
I mean, that's why you came to New York.
That's sure as hell why I left Queens.
Positive!
Positive thinking!
You can't let a little thing
like cash stand in our way.
Cocktails and Dreams.
Cocktails and Dreams.
I see it in pink neon.
Blink, blink, dinkity-blink.
That is a little corny, isn't it?
But I could live with it.
Yes, but can I live
with young Flanagan?
Well, maybe I could
handle a partner.
All right!
All right! Fifty-fifty.
A partner who knows his place.
Seventy-thirty.
Well, you do have your pension
to think about...
so I will settle for sixty-forty.
To health and friendship.
Life and love.
- Our future.
- To our future.
Let's do it.
Let's really do it.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it! Do it!
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- Yeah!
- Let's do it.
- Okay!
One, two, three, do it!
You shake it to the left
You shake it to the right
You do the hippy shake-shake
with all of your might
Oh, shake
The hippy hippy shake
Yeah!
It's in the bag
The hippy hippy shake
The hippy hippy shake
The hippy hippy shake
Yeah! Whoo!
Beautiful!
Listen... Hey, listen!
Why the fuck are two stars like you
wasting your talent in a hole like this?
- A secret admirer!
- No, I'm serious!
I got the hottest saloon in town.
I want you guys working for me.
In two weeks, you'll be famous.
I've been famous for ten years.
Just give me the money.
I got the hippy hippy shake
- She walks down the street
knockin'them dead
- Hey, wait in line!
Store window dummies
even turn their heads
Sure 'nuff
Powerful stuff
I think I'm in love
And it's powerful stuff
I am the world's
first yuppie poet.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
Bullshit!
The poem is entitled
"The Bottom Line."
Stick it in your Volvo!
"'Money isn't everything,' they say.
Okay, so what is? Sex?"
It's better than sushi!
"Did you ever make love to a pauper?
- Pee-yoo!"
- I'd rather hump a camel!
"Revolution?
It takes money to overthrow
the government, you know."
Whoa, that's deep.
"Art? The more it costs,
the better it is.
And that's the bottom line!"
- Crap.
- Bullshit!
- Who wants a drink?
- Who wants a drink?
More poets! More poets!
More poets! More poets!
We want more!
All right!
- Yes!
- Yeah, man!
All right, Brian!
- You want poets?
- Yes, we do!
- You want poets?
- Yeah!
I am the world's
last barman poet.
Give us a kiss,
you sexy beast!
Go for it.
I see America drinking...
the fabulous cocktails I make.
America's getting stinking
on something I stir or shake.
- The Sex on the Beach...
- Yeah!
the schnapps
made from peach...
the Velvet Hammer,
the Alabama Slammer.
I make things with juice and froth...
- the Pink Squirrel,
the Three-Toed Sloth.
- Make me one!
I make drinks
so sweet and snazzy...
the Iced Tea, the Kamikaze.
The Orgasm.
Hands off the merchandise!
The Death Spasm.
- The Singapore Sling, the Ding-a-ling.
- Ding-a-ling?
America, you're just devoted...
to every flavour I've got.
Oh, baby!
But if you want to get loaded...
why don't you just order a shot?
Bar's open!
I'd like to try
the Orgasm, please.
How many would you like?
- Uh, multiple.
- Multiple?
Well, then, why don't we start
with a Turquoise Blue?
Well, bless my soul
What's wrong with me
I'm itchin' like a man
in a fuzzy tree
My friends say I'm actin'
wild as a bug
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Yeah! Yeah! Wow! Baby!
You guys are crazy!
Well, my hands are shakin'
and my knees are weak
I can't even stand
on my own two feet
Who do you think
when you have such luck
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
Yeah!
Oh, my God!
That was fantastic!
That was great!
- You gotta let me take your picture.
- What for?
When you're a big celebrity,
I'll put you in Rolling Stone magazine.
- Is that right?
- My protg. I discovered him.
That's great. Can you move aside,
though? I can't fit you both in.
- Excuse me.
- You look great.
All messed up
Come back!
My tongue gets tied
when I try to speak
My insides shake
like a leaf on a tree
There's only one cure
for this body of mine
That's to have that girl
right here, right now
When she touched my hand
what a thrill I got
Her lips are like
a volcano that's hot
I'm proud to say
that she's my buttercup
I'm in love
I'm all shook up
You with the cold hands!
I gotta go.
- Tuesday night?
- Tuesday? I'm working.
So? I'll sit at the end of the bar
and wait until closing.
Isn't that what
all the bartenders' girlfriends do?
All right.
- Bye.
- Get in there.
You're gonna catch pneumonia.
Get out!
Get out of there. Back off!
Get up, damn it.
Get up!
God, look at that clown.
Get up!
Good night, sweet prince.
Looks like one
of our customers.
That bum just cost me
50 bucks.
So what's this great idea
I'm here to piss on?
Well, I have been
doing some research...
into what it'll cost to set up
Cocktails and Dreams.
Now what I have found is,
if we find the right location...
do our own renovation...
we can start it up
for as little as 75,000 cash.
Ah, which the tooth fairy will
deliver to our doorstep, hmm?
No, man.
Which we make in Jamaica, man.
Oh, God, Brian.
I like that. Mmm!
Jamaica, south of Soho.
Oh, yeah, man.
Very south of Soho.
The Caribbean,
Jamaica, man.
I was down there last month
doing a shoot...
and I met this bartender
who makes $300 to $400 a day.
A day! Whoo!
And he didn't have
any of the talent of you guys.
I should hope not.
Winter in the tropics,
spring in New York.
Jet-set bartenders, eh?
See, we could live
for peanuts down there.
There are no taxes.
Cash off the books.
Two, maybe three seasons,
and we are in business.
So you want to wait three years?
I've told you.
New York is where the angels are.
Aw, come on. This is...
- This is a real opportunity!
- Oh, yeah.
- We'll have a fantastic time.
- Will we?
- Carl, huh?
- Coral. English. Coral.
Coral.
Yes!
Why is it do you think these chicks are
always named after inanimate objects?
There's nothing
inanimate about Coral.
Hot number, huh?
Yes!
- Good shot.
- Ten bucks behind the line?
Sure. Shoot till you miss.
- All right.
- Where does Coral live?
76th Street.
She's got a brownstone.
She owns the whole
fucking building.
You don't think she lives in
that building all by herself, do you?
That's a bit lucky.
- See any pictures?
- Of guys? No.
- That's 30 bucks you owe me.
- Jesus Christ.
- I know!
- The man's on a roll,
ladies and gentlemen.
She's been saving herself
for young Flanagan all these years?
- Maybe she hides the pictures
when she goes out.
- Oh.
Have a look
on her ring finger.
See if there's a white circle
from her wedding band.
Man, are you paranoid.
Listen, it's the difference
between a one-nighter...
and a meaningful relationship
with an unattached millionairess.
Hey, I'm not thinking
about her that way, okay?
This is more than
just a one-night stand.
- This lady's gonna do
a number on you, mate.
- I appreciate the concern.
That's 50 bucks
you owe me.
- Fifty bucks?
- Fifty bucks.
Fifty bucks says
Coral's in the sack...
with some other guy
before the week's out.
That's a bet.
Missed.
Whoo, yeah, hey.
- Hey.
- Hi, how are you?
Okay. How are you?
Keep it.
Brian?
- What'll you have?
- A screwdriver.
- What?
- Screwdriver!
I take it back. You're not
going to be famous.
Too bad you couldn't keep your
mouth shut about our sex life.
It only gets better.
You made a move
on Coral?
I had to get
my money back.
You knew how
I felt about her.
How could you feel anything
for an assembly line hump...
that does the book
on the first date?
I did you a favour.
Took her off your hands
before she really twisted your mind.
You fucking
son of a bitch.
Coughlin's Law:
Never tell tales about a woman.
She'll hear you
no matter how far away she is.
Come on!
Come on!
- Can't take the truth, eh?
- Bullshit!
It was nothing but
taking a cheap shot at me.
Where I come from,
you don't do that to your friends.
Where you come from,
they're still saluting the flag
and making novenas.
And no brawling in here.
- And that goes for the help as well.
- Come on!
I don't work here
any more.
If you want to cut me,
come on!
You'll thank me
for this one day.
The fuck I will.
Hey! Hey!
Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink
melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel band
Down in Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica
Ooh, I wanna take ya
To Bermuda, Bahama
Come on, pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego
Ooh, I wanna take you
down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo
Buddy. Hey, buddy!
The name is not "buddy."
It's "pal."
The brochure promised me
a drink on the house, pal.
- I'll take one of those orange things.
- Excuse me, uh...
My friend just passed out
on the beach over there.
Do you have a phone anywhere?
No, no. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
She was, uh, drinking
champagne in the sun.
Champagne: perfume going in,
sewage coming out.
- Is she gonna be all right?
- Yeah, she's gonna be okay.
Uh, could somebody go down
to the condo office...
- and have them call an ambulance?
- Yeah, sure.
Just in case.
Let's get her up.
The doctor will probably
give her a shot of Ipecac.
I don't want
anything more to drink.
Oh, don't worry.
It'll make you feel better.
It'll help you throw up.
I don't want
to throw up.
Oh, God, I think
I'm gonna throw up.
No, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
She can never
make up her mind.
Hey, Brian. I gotta
hit the road, man.
Okay, Owen.
Well, goodbye.
It has been an adventure.
Mm-hmm.
Owen will take care of you.
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it
note for note
Don't worry
Be happy
Every life we have
some trouble
When you worry
you make it double
Don't worry
Be happy
- Mark, I haven't forgotten about you.
- No problem.
Welcome to my most humble,
dishonourable establishment.
Well, thank you.
My worthless, useless services
are at your disposal.
Um, I wanted to, uh, come by and
thank you for helping out yesterday.
That's all right.
How's she doing?
She, uh, has a hangover.
Can I buy you a drink?
One of my rum specialties, perhaps?
I'll have a beer.
Beer.
My kind of woman.
- Hey, guys, how're you doing?
- I'll have the same, Brian.
So it seems like happy hour
all day around here.
Yes, happy hour.
That great American invention
for spending quality time
with spouse soused.
- A bartender
with a line for everything.
- Yeah, the bartender.
The highest evolution
of the species:
"Boozus New Yorkus."
Whoa!
I used to work at a circus
before I got this job.
Excuse me.
Don't worry
Be happy
Ain't got no cash
Ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal
to make you smile
But don't worry
Be happy
Want to see a grown man
cry like a baby?
Hey, Bartender.
You know how to make
a Red Eye?
Don't worry
Be happy
What, no tearful greeting?
Coughlin's Law:
Never show surprise.
Never lose your cool.
Oh, my son,
my rebellious son.
Tell your old buddy
how great he looks.
You look like a guy who dyes his hair
and shaves with a Brillo pad.
A guy who gets an erection
on his birthday, if the wind is right.
Isn't this great?
Two years we haven't seen each other,
and we just flow into the old act.
Please, stop molesting
the customers.
A daiquiri, if you will,
Bartender.
- I taught this young man
everything he knows.
- I doubt that.
Don't you waste your loyalty on him.
He'll dump you after Valentine's Day.
Isn't that clever?
What the hell are you
doing down here?
This lad is the best bartender
south of 14th Street.
It's his downfall.
- I don't see how being good at
something can be your downfall.
- Thank you.
I grant you, it's not an easy
concept to grasp.
Now, you take our hero here.
I haven't seen him for a while, and
I've never been in this joint before...
but I will bet my bile duct he's got
some kind of success manual
behind the bar.
Come on, Flanagan,
I know it's here.
- Touche.
- Voila.
You see, Flanagan's a believer.
Always will be.
- He doesn't realize that the doors
are shut to people like us.
- Well, maybe he wants to open them.
Then he has to steal the key,
sweetheart.
Something Coughlin here
has been unable to do.
Hey, I don't have to, not any more.
I've had my miracle.
Oh, what? Some alky
remember you in his will?
Better.
I am in love.
Oh.
There is my miracle.
Who? Pocahontas over there,
waiting for everyone to notice her?
How dare you speak that way
about my wife.
- Your wife? In your dreams.
- For real.
We are here on our honeymoon.
Sweetheart!
Come hither.
You're married?
This is true love,
young Flanagan.
True love with a kicker.
She's got millions.
- Where were you? I thought
you drowned or something.
- No such luck.
Brian Flanagan, Kerry Coughlin.
The love of my life.
- Hello.
- Hi.
You see before you
a changed man.
The love of a good woman
has made me see the light.
Mmm.
This magic moment
While your lips
are close to mine
Will last forever
Forever till the end of time
Brian's cute.
How long have you known him?
About ten hours.
Excuse me.
There you go.
I have never seen a club
with such intense dance vibes.
Come on.
Let's decimate this dance floor.
I don't get the two of them.
Simple. She's just a little rich chick
whose family owns half of Manhattan.
And just to piss them off,
she decided to marry a bartender.
True love.
Let's dance?
Sweeter than wine
And softer than
a summer night
Everything I want I have
Whenever I hold you tight
This magic moment
While your lips
are close to mine
Will last forever
Forever till the end of time
Do you ever have the feeling
that you might meet somebody?
You know, when you walk into
some place or something?
- Star-crossed lovers' syndrome?
- Mmm.
- No.
- Oh!
Because I had a premonition that
I was gonna meet somebody
when I came down here.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, you still got time,
you know.
Some woman must have
really done a job on you.
Why does it always
have to be a woman?
Well, it doesn't.
Your friend, uh...
what's his name, Doug,
could have done it to you.
What's this?
Immune to Coughlin's
fatal charms?
Give him a minute,
you'll love him. All women do.
Well, I'm not like all women.
- I'll give you that.
- Hmm?
Of course,
I'm not like all men either.
You are an original
till you prove otherwise.
Uh-oh. I better be careful
not to lose my unique status.
Mmm.
So is this
one-night-stand time?
Doesn't make you
a bad person, you know.
Your parents own
half of Manhattan?
No!
Then your virtue's
quite safe with me.
For this evening anyway.
Come on.
I'll race you!
Tell myself l won't no more
But here I go again
The way I fought
so hard and fast
Think I've never been
In love, love, love
Like I've never been
In love, love, love
Here I go again
Heart aches
take it slow
You ain't got far to go
And if you travel smooth
Life be a pleasure cruise
Heart aches
take it slow
You ain't got far to go
And if you travel smooth
Life be a pleasure cruise
Oh, I love you so
I guess, I guess
I guess you know
Oh, I love you so
I guess, I guess
I guess you know
Oh, I love you so
I guess, I guess
I guess you know
Oh, I love you so
I guess, I guess
I guess you know
I guess, I guess
I guess you know
Smile!
So this is your profession?
More like my obsession.
- Does it pay the rent?
- Someday it will.
Right now, though,
I'm waiting tables at Jerry's Deli.
Sure, I know the place.
Home of the famous
cement Danish.
Yeah, that's the one.
- Yeah.
- Hey!
Don't look.
It's not done.
- This doesn't look like me.
- It's the real you.
You've captured
my innermost soul.
- Ohh!
- Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
- Shit!
- Are you okay? Aww!
We should go on
one of those.
Tomorrow?
- You know,
there's a guy who makes these.
- One guy?
He must be exhausted.
Yes, he is, but still,
he gets up in the morning...
and he kisses his wife, and he goes
to his drink umbrella factory...
where he rips off 10 billion
of these a year.
This guy's a millionaire.
- How about the guy who makes these?
- How about that guy?
Not to mention
the guy who makes these.
And those little wrappers
are made by another guy.
What about these plastic things
at the end of these laces?
Mmm. It's probably got
one of those weird names too...
like a "flugelbinder."
Flugelbinder, right.
We sit here, and we're
surrounded by millionaires.
You wrack your brains
day and night...
to try to come up with
a moneymaking scheme...
and some guy corners
the flugelbinder market.
Aw. Poor baby.
He's frustrated.
You get a bar job to keep
your days free for your real gig.
After work, you're so charged up,
you have a few drinks.
You know, hey, it's party time.
Days get shorter and shorter.
Nights, longer and longer.
Before you know it,
your life is just one long night...
with a few comatose
daylight hours.
Oh, God. Stop feeling so sorry
for yourself, Flanagan.
Hey, your flugelbinder is out there
waiting to be discovered.
Waiting.
- Do you think so?
- I do.
No. Stay.
Stay there.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
Ta-da!
You know I'm a man
I don't like to brag
But it's been
Growin' into a feelin'
It's been a drag
I know that I can
Run for the shelter
of your love
Run for the shelter
of your love
Run for the shelter
of your love
Run for the shelter
of your love
- I wish we could stay here forever.
- Mmm.
I'd build a little hut
over there on the beach.
I'd fish and pick coconuts.
No, I'd do the fishing
and coconut picking.
- No.
- Yes.
No, you would make thatched skirts
to sell to the tourists.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Thatch one, purl two?
Yeah.
And we'd never go home.
Our kids would look really great
in dreadlocks too.
Kids?
How are you making out
with that little blond chippie?
How come I've always got the chippies,
and you're always with the princess?
That's a question
only you can answer.
This man's phenomenal.
Put him in a room full of women...
and he goes for the poorest
and the dumbest every single time.
The man's astounding.
His wife parades half naked
on the beach...
and he thinks she's
just there for the sun.
My wife does not need
other men.
You know what they say about
sexual vanity in men over 40?
- It's the first sign of senility.
- Please try to keep your envy in check.
Ooh, envy.
He's my protege.
I taught him all I know.
Together with a token,
it might get me on a subway.
You can only
take a guy so far.
Then it's a question of biology.
Biology is destiny.
Ah, the old fool-osopher.
You see, there are two kinds
of people in this world:
the workers and the hustlers.
The hustlers never work
and the workers never hustle.
And you, my friend,
are a worker.
God knows I've tried to beat
that instinct out of him...
but it's there ingrained
in your immigrant blood.
Look how tasty your cocktails are.
Look how clean you keep your bar.
Why, man, you actually
take pride in your work.
I do not.
Is he or isn't he
a great bartender?
- Oh, the best.
- See, they love you.
Listen, Bozo, If you think
I'm stuck in this gig...
Face it,
you're a career proletarian.
You've been standing in a puddle
so long, you've got webbed feet.
Just because he get's lucky
with a rich chick...
Lucky, he says.
Why, you couldn't do it.
I've known this man for three years,
and believe me, he's not a closer.
This place is crawling
with moneyed females.
Case in point: rich and ripe
and out of your league.
- Out of my league?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, she just happened to be here
checking me out the other night.
Maybe she had
15 minutes to kill.
You know what it'd take to make a score
on a smart woman like that?
You'd have to get over on her,
her managers, her lawyers...
her trustees, her maid,
and her tennis coach.
I've been training for this
my whole life.
Well, 50 bucks...
says you don't even
make it over the bar.
Gentlemen, that's a bet.
You guys are in on this.
Be cool.
Mademoiselle.
Vodka on the rocks
with a squeeze of lime.
Oh, no, no.
This is the tropics.
At least try a Jus D'Amour.
Pardon me.
A Jus D'Amour.
It means "juice of love."
It's made with fresh fruit
right off the vine.
And trust me when I tell you
that it is nothing short...
of spectacular.
Excuse me. Do I have "fuck me"
written on my forehead?
I can't see a thing
without my contacts.
You're just full of confidence,
aren't you?
Yeah. Kinda makes you
curious, don't it?
Mighty Casey
has struck out.
Now, don't.
The game's not over yet.
Wouldn't be any fun if they fell over
with their legs in the air,
now, would it?
Bartender.
Excuse me.
Oh, you are bad.
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Run for the shelter of your love
Hey, Dulcy.
Where's, uh, Jordan?
She left on a flight back to New York
late last night.
What'd you do to her
anyway?
Brian, are you there?
It's Bonnie.
Brian?
Come in.
Hi.
You found my
secret hiding place.
The guys at the bar told me.
I've been thinking
about you all day.
Yeah?
A plane ride home
will cure that.
What I got,
there ain't no cure for.
You can't send me
away like this.
I don't know what'll
happen to me if you do.
My business will go to hell.
I'll start writing
bad cheques.
We can't have that now,
can we?
No.
You don't really want me
to go away, do you?
These drinks are going
to be very tasty.
- Into the market now, are we?
- Mm-hmm.
What's my greatest talent?
Reading between the lines.
And that's what
the market's all about.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I must admit...
I never thought I'd see you
set up like this.
Well, don't you worry.
I won't forget my close friends.
Kerry's old man has just backed me
in the most luxurious joint
Manhattan's ever seen.
We open in a couple of weeks.
You come back to New York with us,
and I'll make you head bartender.
Well, that sounds very nice,
but I've got plans of my own.
Like what?
Bonnie's hooking me up
with her business.
I'll be heading back
to New York with her.
Kept man, eh?
You think you made a breakthrough
cutting that little blond loose.
Meanwhile, your conscience
is killing you.
If she hadn't left,
you'd be back there begging.
- You think so, eh?
- Uh-huh, and a bottle
of Louis Treize says...
you'll be working for me
by St Patrick's Day.
A $500 bottle of brandy.
I'll have to take that bet.
Wake up! On your feet!
Come on! Whew!
One, two, three, four!
Work those hips!
Come on, girls.
Work those hips, yeah!
Feel it burn, yeah!
That fat's burnin'!
Morning, babe.
Listen, can you get me some
carrot juice from the fridge?
Get some for yourself too.
It's addictive.
- Pick it up! Whoo! One, two!
- Every fucking morning.
Yeah. Well, just tell him
not to make a move until
he's seen our line, that's all.
And send Harvey
down to Dallas right away.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Good, Tony.
Great.
You are beautiful.
Yeah. Okay,
I'll be in the office in 15.
Ciao, Tony.
Tony? Tony Scaduto,
the sales manager?
- Yep.
- I thought he was in Mexico.
- Just got back Friday.
- Then I can go in and see him?
We'll let it wait
just a smidgen longer.
Remember, you're
picking me up at 7:00 tonight.
Why don't you wear the grey pinstripe
we bought you last week?
Okay.
Did you tell him about
my marketing ideas?
Honey, I don't want them to think I'm
shoving my boyfriend down their throat.
What difference does it make?
You're the boss.
These guys are
top salesmen, babe.
I can't treat them
like office boys.
Listen to me.
Look, you could wait six months...
you'd still be the youngest
sales manager in the business.
Trust me, baby.
Hey, come on!
Get that heap out of the way!
- How am I gonna get out of here?
- Hey, cool down, buddy.
Ah, you limo drivers
are all alike.
You stand around with your finger
up your ass. Come on, move!
Come on, give us a break.
Don't have a heart attack.
- Art.
- Hi.
Hello.
It's so good to see you.
Hello, darling.
God, it's been ages.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You look fabulous in that coat.
- Thanks.
That colour is gorgeous on you.
Darling?
Take my coat, will you?
Yeah, I like that piece there.
- Bonnie, let's get out of here.
- Darling, I think you've had
enough to drink.
- Brian.
- Bonnie. What, are we playing
musical highballs here?
- Come on, heel, boy, heel.
- Come again?
Haven't got this one
party-broken yet, have you, Bonnie?
Brian, this is Robert Powell.
He's the sculptor.
Oh!
Oh, how do you do?
Interesting work.
- Thank you.
- Interesting. It's, uh,
very urban in orientation.
Robert, tell me, how...
did you get the cockroach
to stand still long...
You're drunk.
You're ugly.
Brian!
Could you hold this, please?
No, I'm okay.
Robert...
Ohhhhhhh!
- Brian, how could you do this?
- Have a nice day.
- Come on. The suspense is killing me.
- Well, at least you could apologize.
Apologize? Yes.
Brian, we have to talk
about this seriously.
Talk is overrated
as a means of resolving disputes.
I moved my stuff out of
your place this afternoon.
Left a can of Spam
in the refrigerator.
- I hope the brewer's yeast
doesn't take it personally.
- Bastard!
Oh, shit!
Oh, God, Brian, I'm sorry.
I'm sor...
Brian, listen, baby.
- I've got some interviews
set up for tomorrow...
- Forget it!
I am not a salesman.
I tried to sell out to you,
but I couldn't close the deal.
Please.
I don't want to end it this way.
Jesus, everything ends badly,
otherwise it wouldn't end.
Believe me, Bonnie, you are going
to wake up in the morning...
with a sigh of relief
because I'm not there.
Rave on
It's a crazy feelin'
And I know
it's got me reelin'
And I'm so glad that you're
revealin' your love to me
- Waitress?
- I'll be there in a second.
Excuse me. Could you tell me
what the specials are, please?
What are you doing here?
Bet you thought
you'd never see me again.
"Hoped" is a better word.
- Excuse me, waitress?
- I'll be there in a minute.
Miss, we have theatre tickets.
Look, uh, you obviously
are not here to eat,
so I'd appreciate it if you'd leave.
- Miss?
- Waitress?
- I'll be there in a minute.
- I'm not leaving.
Your sexy little smile's
not gonna work this time.
- I'm not leaving. That's it.
- You're not leaving?
Not until you let me
apologize.
- Did you say you'd like
to see the specials, sir?
- I'd like to see the specials.
- Excuse me.
- Look, we've been waiting...
Today's specials are
meat loaf mozzarella...
chicken a la king.
May I suggest some
ketchup for your fries?
Ah, fuck.
Shit.
I'd think twice about ordering
the specials if I were you, huh?
Spare change
for my dry cleaning?
Sorry. Payday's Friday.
You wouldn't treat a stray dog
like this, would you?
A stray dog can be loyal.
All right, I'm a rat.
There's no hope for me.
But even I have a right
to defend myself, at least to explain.
Taxi!
Come on in.
Is this our waterfall?
No.
It's terrific.
Yeah, it's all right.
The name's Mooney, not Monet.
So, uh, why did you humiliate me
like that in Jamaica?
How did I humiliate you?
Brian, I was there.
I saw you go off with that woman.
You're such an asshole.
It's not as bad as it seems.
See, Doug landed
a rich chick.
- And that night he bet me
that I couldn't do the same.
- A rich chick.
- So, you'd go with a woman
just because she had money.
- No, it's not the money.
He bet me that I wasn't
good enough to hustle her.
Hustle her?
And I was worth so little to you
that you could just take
some stupid juvenile bet?
No. You see, a guy lays down a dare,
you gotta take it.
Brian, how do you think I felt
seeing you go off with some woman...
after the time
that we spent together?
Just hold on a second.
You were pushing me down there.
You were coming on
too strong, too fast.
Oh, I was pushing you?
Well, you know,
you happened to be there too.
I-I thought that we had something going.
I didn't play any games with you.
I know.
I'm sorry. I...
I guess I just got spooked.
But now I know I can handle it.
Oh, you can
handle it, huh?
- So what if you got spooked again?
- I won't.
- I'll bet I can spook you.
- No way.
I'm pregnant.
I'm spooked.
It's mine?
I was only asking.
Look, you're not going
to be bothered or burdened, okay?
You can still go out
and make a million. Don't worry.
I'm not worried.
I mean, I am worried.
- I don't want to talk
about it any more.
- Okay.
Just go!
- Why?
- Because I want you to go,
all right? Just go!
You let me come up here just
so you could kick me out, didn't you?
No.
No, just get out!
I know you're upset, but if this
is the way it's going to be,
why did you even tell me about the baby?
Because I knew it would be the best way
to get you out of my life.
... Square Garden. Syracuse trying
to stay within striking distance...
of Pittsburgh in the Big East.
Hey, that's for
cigarette change.
When you hand it to me,
it's for change.
When you put it on the edge
of the bar, it's a tip.
- Hey, kid.
- Hey, Uncle Pat.
Ed, how are you?
I got a problem.
You got time for a quick talk?
Well, make it fast.
I'm real busy here.
What's the matter?
I'm going to be a father.
That's it! Bar's closed!
Finish up!
- Aw, Pat, come on!
- Hit the road! Let's go!
- Eddie, finish up.
Everybody out of here.
- What?
Now, you ought to know better
than to come to a bartender for advice.
- What am I going to do about this girl?
- Nothing.
- What do you mean, nothing?
- She's not trying to shake you down.
She's not trying to make you marry her.
You don't care about her.
You can walk away
from the whole thing.
- What if I do care about her?
- Then you've got a problem.
Jordan, I just want
to talk to you.
She's not hiding.
She's not home.
She's at her parents' place.
Go bang down their door.
- You wouldn't happen to know
where that is, would you?
- Sure. Park Avenue, corner of 67th.
- Park Avenue?
- Yeah. Park Avenue.
Listen. You get here when you say
you will or you won't work
in this building again.
- Excuse me...
- So you'll be here what time?
- I don't mean to bother you...
- What time did you say you'd be here?
Hello?
I'm sorry. What apartment
are... are the Mooneys in?
- It's the penthouse.
Your name, please.
- Brian Flanagan.
- Are the Mooneys expecting you?
- No, not exactly.
All visitors have
to be announced, Mr Flanagan.
Mr Flanagan,
will you come in, please?
- May I take your coat, sir?
- Okay.
- There will be someone
with you in a moment.
- Thank you.
I'm Richard Mooney.
- I'm Jordan's father.
- I'm Brian Flanagan.
- I've come to see her.
- Well, she's not here.
But come in. Come in.
I'd like to talk to you.
Sit down. Sit down.
Well, I've certainly heard a lot
about you in the last couple of days.
You know,
I don't know what really happened
between the two of you, but, uh...
I must say, I think you've got
a hell of a lot of nerve...
coming up here after what
you did to my daughter.
I understand that.
And I realize that
Jordan is very upset.
But if I could talk to her,
make her see that I'm going
to stick by her through this.
I hope you're not suggesting
that you'll marry her.
I'm not sure what we're going to do.
We've got a lot to talk about.
The hell you do.
The hell you do!
All right, look, I know Jordan
a lot better than you do...
and I've never seen her
as unhappy as she is at this moment.
She is just not very wise
in the ways of the world.
- And right now what she needs
around her are people she can trust.
- She can trust me.
She doesn't want to see you.
She doesn't want to even talk to you.
Just wait here for one moment
for me, will you, please?
- Good afternoon, Miss Mooney.
- Hi.
- Mr Mooney, I think I'm just...
- Mr Flanagan, here.
- What the hell is this?
- That's for you.
$ 10,000?
- Is that all your daughter's worth?
- Okay, how much will it take?
I don't want your goddam money.
You can't buy me out of Jordan's life.
You think I'm letting some bartender
walk into my family and destroy
my daughter's life?
- That is her choice!
- The hell you say.
- Her choice!
- The hell you say!
- What is going on here?
Jordan, I came by here
to talk to you.
- Look, if you don't get out of here,
Flanagan, I'm going to have you
thrown out on your ass!
- Dad... Dad, I will handle this.
Jordan... Jordan, I know the other night
I didn't say the right things.
God knows, I have not
done the right things...
but I think there's
a chance for us.
Brian, there is no "us."
There are just too many things
about us that don't work.
What about the baby? I mean,
a kid... our kid needs a father.
Not one that's not going
to be around in a year.
- Yeah, with your lifestyle,
what kind of a father would you...
- Dad!
Jordan,
I want a second chance.
No.
I deserve a second chance.
No!
Brian, how am I ever going to know
that you're being honest with me?
- I mean, you can barely
be honest with yourself.
- Honest?
Were you so honest? Why didn't you
tell me you were the original
rich chick?
Because you're so hung up on money,
I was afraid that I'd never know
how you really felt about me.
Me!
How you really
feel about me.
You see this?
This is your father's idea
of how to get me out of your life.
This...
is how hung up
on money I am.
And as for the way
I feel about you...
I guess you'll never know.
Here's a 20. Let me in.
Hey, what about us?
Let us in, Henry.
It's cold out here.
Henry, remember me?
- I'm Bruce Springsteen's cousin.
- You look more like his couch.
Henry, I'm-I'm Doug's friend.
Look, Mr Coughlin doesn't have any
friends on a Saturday night, all right?
- Good evening, Henry.
- Hey, hey!
Hey!
- Hey, where's Doug Coughlin?
- He's over there.
- Over there?
Hey, you! You!
Doug!
- Coughlin!
- Flanagan!
My best friend in the world.
My only friend.
Piss off, Henry. It's okay.
It's great to see you, my only friend.
Sit down. Sit down.
I don't know. Looks like you've got
a lot of friends here this evening.
- Proctologist's dream.
- What?
Wall-to-wall assholes.
Great to see you,
Flanagan.
Yes, because you know
I've come to pay off my bet.
- Brian.
- Kerry.
- What are you doing here?
- I've come to beg and plead for a job.
Be great to get some talent
behind the bar.
Well, let's go somewhere
we can appreciate this. Come on.
What are you doing out here?
Get in there and spend some money.
Keep me in the manner
that I'm accustomed to.
Very good. How are you? Get in there
and spend some money, you two.
What do you think
of my rowing boat?
- Jesus Christ!
- Come aboard, ye land lubber.
Baccarat crystal.
Louis Treize, voila.
Should we let it breathe?
It hasn't breathed
in 50 years.
It's dead.
Let's just drink it.
Health and friendship?
Life and love.
Douglas Coughlin, your ship...
has certainly come in.
My ship...
My ship is going down,
and I'm going down with it.
- How's that?
- Oh, this is an illusion.
I'm on my ass.
I haven't got a pot to piss in.
A hundred grand a week. Painful.
I should have read some of your
sacred books, young Flanagan.
The only thing I know about saloons
is how to pour whisky
and run my mouth off.
I knew nothing
about insurance...
or sales tax
or the building code...
or labour costs
or the power company...
or purchasing or linens.
Everyone with a hand
stuck it in my pocket.
You must make enough
to cover that.
If I'd stuck to what I know best,
which is almost nothing.
Instead I put all
the cash into commodities...
and blew the fucking lot.
On the margin.
Buy, cover, buy, cover.
I wanted it fast.
See the headlines.
"Douglas Coughlin.
From Bartender
to Billionaire."
- Hey, Doug, take it easy, huh?
- Relax.
The luck is gone,
the brain is shot...
but the liquor we still got.
Doug!
Doug, are you down there?
She knows nothing about this.
She thinks I'm a fucking hero.
My princess, my dream.
Oh, baby, not again.
I want to go home.
Come here.
A toast, Flanagan,
to the first and last person...
I ever cared about.
To my wife.
Doug?
Doug. Doug, wake up.
I want to go home.
You know, you're the only person
in the world Doug respects.
We were a good team once.
Walk me to my apartment.
I hate going to that place alone.
- I better check on Doug.
- Please.
I want to talk about Doug,
about his problems.
Doug says you're
incredible with women.
A real ladykiller.
Is that what he says?
What's your secret weapon?
Well, what you see
is what you get.
- Hold it.
- What did you do that for?
I can't make it with
my best friend's old lady.
Am I supposed to live
with the same man...
day in and day out, forever?
- And have no one else in my life?
- Yes. It's called marriage.
You wanted this as much as I did.
That's why you're up here.
But you can't do it now, can you?
You're scared.
- I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
- You're just scared!
Hey, Doug.
Doug.
What the...
Help me!
Somebody help me!
Somebody help me!
Is there anything at all
you can tell me about what happened?
The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not want...
My dearest Brian...
a guy like me
looks in the mirror.
He either grins or he
starts to fade away.
And I haven't seen anything
to grin about in a long time.
This may not be
the most graceful exit...
but I know when
the bottle's empty.
About the only thing
I'm really going to miss...
are the conversations
we had going.
At least I get the last word
even if I had to mail it in.
Coughlin's Law: Bury the dead.
They stink up the joint.
As for the rest of
Coughlin's Laws, ignore them.
The guy was always
full of shit.
But I guess you
knew that already.
- Excuse me.
The Mooneys. Brian Flanagan.
- I know who you are, pal.
But I've been instructed
not to let you into the building.
- If you'd just let...
- Leave now!
Look, I just want to talk
to her for a few minutes. I don't
want to cause any trouble. Just...
- Send her a letter. Out!
- Get your hands off me, man.
Out!
Hey!
- Where's Jordan? Where's Jordan?
- She's in there.
- In there?
- Yeah. Hey, you can't go in there.
- Open the door! Open the door!
- Jordan? Jordan!
- What? What's going on?
- Jordan, I have to talk to you.
Please. There's so many things.
I don't know where to begin.
Doug is dead.
- What?
- He killed himself.
- Oh, Brian.
- He was my best friend, but he
was too proud to let me help him.
He was too proud to show how he felt
until it was too late.
I don't want to make
that same mistake, Jordan.
- He pushed right past me
in the sitting room.
- I thought I told you
to keep that punk out of this house.
- I'm sorry. He got by me.
- Jordan? Jordan, are you in there?
I have saved money. I've worked out
a loan with my uncle for some more.
- With hard work, I know I can
turn it into something great.
- Flanagan, open the door!
- Brian, I know you can. I know you can.
But, really, it doesn't really matter.
- No. Listen to me. Listen to me!
- He was on the elevator
before I even know it.
- Give me the key!
I love you. I want to marry you.
I've loved you from the first
moment I saw you, Jordan.
- Open the door!
- Please. Please, come with me.
Flanagan,
get the hell out of my house!
Jordan, wake up. Don't you see why he's
come back here? He's only come back
for one reason... for the money.
- That's not true.
I don't want a thing from you.
- You're not going to get anything,
not one penny.
- He's a loser.
- I'm not a loser.
Please, Jordan, come with me.
- Get him out of here, please.
- Stay out of this. This has
nothing to do with you. Please.
- Throw this bum out of here!
- Come on. Let's go.
- Hold it. Just hold it!
- Jordan, Jordan, don't go.
- All right. All right. Okay. Okay.
If you walk out of this house right now,
just don't bother coming back.
- Dad, I'm going.
I love him and I'm going.
- You're not going anywhere.
Jordan! Stop her!
- Get off of me!
- Get her hands off of her.
She's pregnant!
You asshole!
It didn't have to be this way,
you know?
You're on your own.
That's the only way I want it.
A toast. To the bride
and to my nephew.
All the happiness.
I've been lied to
- When will I be loved
- Right now, baby.
Yeah!
I've been turned down
I've been pushed around
When will I be loved
You realize we're both
completely insane.
Yes.
- You're probably going to want
to divorce me in three weeks.
- Probably.
No. You'll want to divorce me.
I'll be all fat and ugly.
- Just as long as you don't get too fat.
- I am going to be very fat.
- And you are going to love it.
- I've been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I be loved
- Come on, Brian! Give us a poem!
- Yeah, a poem!
- We want a poem!
- A poem?
- Let's hear one, Brian!
A poem!
- A poem?
- A poem. We want a poem.
- All right, a poem. A poem.
- We want a poem! We want a poem!
All right!
- Okay, a poem.
- Yeah, a poem.
Well, this poem
is entitled...
"Flanagan's Advice
to His Unborn Child."
Now...
if Jordan gives birth
to a fine Irish son...
there'll be Cocktails & Dreams
for him one day to run.
- A business that shall yield
a financial windfall...
- It better!
- To be franchised in every
suburban shopping mall.
- A dynasty!
You're founding a dynasty!
Now...
if a daughter arrives
to bless our clan...
I guess the shit will
certainly hit the fan.
But this
I shall promise to thee...
I'll never let her
marry a guy like me.
But still, if our child...
is the naughtiest of girls
or the wildest of young men...
I swear I'll be
the best dad I can.
And never, ever
get spooked again.
- Bet I can still spook you.
- No way.
Twins?
Twins?
- Twins!
- Yeah!
- Drinks are on the house!
- No! No!
The bar is open!