Chow!
Hangover 3
Motherfuckers!
We're almost home,
my friend!
Hey, my name is Alan and
I bought a giraffe.
It's all mine.
He's super friendly.
Oh, wow! Look at the giraffe!
Oh, my God! Where do
you think it's going?
My life is great. I have
a wonderful life.
I have a wonderful life.
Yes, sir. Absolutely, I will. Thank
you so much. No, of course...
No. No. And again,
I'm so sorry.
That was the mayor, Alan.
It was an accident.
You said you'd always love me,
no matter what I did.
I know, and I do. You're
my best friend.
But, Alan, Why did you
buy a giraffe?
I've always wanted one!
I can feed him from
my tree house.
Besides, they remind
me a lot of myself.
In what way?
They're majestic, pensive and tall.
- Pensive?
- Yeah.
Where'd you learn that word?
"Words with Friends".
What friends, Alan?
You can set it on random.
Alan, aside from the fact that
you shut down a freeway,
you murdered a wild animal.
It's National news.
You don't wanna know the checks
I had to write to fix this.
Oh, please! We're rich.
We are not anything, Alan!
I'm well off! You are my
forty year-old son...!
- Forty-two!
- Forty... - I'm forty-two!
Forty-two year-old son, who
still lives at home!
You are to go back on your medication
or I'm cutting you off.
You're bluffing.
When's dinner?
Your mother and I can't
take this anymore!
Oh, you might have to.
I can't do it! I
cannot do this!
I don't care what you say anymore,
this is my life?
Go ahead with your own life,
leave me alone?
Keep it to yourself,
it's my life.?
Alan! Alan!
My God, he's got the voice
of an angel.
It's breathtaking.
I can't believe my
daddy is dead.
I can think of so many
people I would
rather have died first,
like my mother.
As many of you know, my father
and I were extremely close.
He was my life partner.
He would often tell me,
almost on a daily basis,
that I was his favorite child.
I'll always remember the
last words he said to me.
"I'm proud of you, Alan.
Never change."
Well, I heard you loud and clear, daddy.
I will never change.
Never, ever!
Oh, mom.
Go ahead, chief.
Sid Garner was a beloved husband,
father and neighbor.
Wow, rough day.
- Yeah. How's Tracy doing?
- Not great.
Her mother is totally
on the edge,
and if all this weren't enough,
apparently Alan's been off
his meds for almost six months.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, it has not been pretty.
Then there's the whole
fucking giraffe thing
I thought that was
pretty funny.
What?
Come on! He killed a giraffe.
Who gives a fuck?
You know, I wasn't gonna
say anything,
but Alan's been stopping
by my office lately.
- You're kidding meWhat for?
- I don't know.
He just sits in the waiting room
and reads highlights magazine.
Fills in the puzzles, whatever
he can, and then leaves.
Check it out.
Jesus, what are you gonna
do with him?
Actually, I wanted to talk to
you guys about that.
Linda really wants to stage
an intervention for him.
An interventionReally?
I think that sounds like
a great idea.
Yeah. The thing is...
she's pretty convinced he won't agree
to it unless all of us are there.
I mean, you know
how he is.
Oh, I do not know. It seems a
little extreme to me.
Oh, God. Look at him now.
Okay, I'm in. When
are we doing it?
So we talked to Tracy today
and she said that the
treatment facility that they
found was really nice.
It's beautiful, I checked it out online.
Great reputation.
Who gives a fuck?
It's in Arizona!
We gotta go on like a two
day drive for this shit?
Here we go!
They should just save their money
and send him to a fat camp.
- Phil!
- What?
He should lose some weight
and find a woman.
That's what he needs.
The dude's lonely.
Well, if he's so lonely,
why don't the two of...
...you spend some
more time with him?
- No, trust me, you don't want that.
- No, you definitely don't want that.
Oh, come on. He's
not that bad.
I mean, what's the worst that's
happenedThe tattoo?
Yeah, the tattoo's the worst.
- Right?
- Definitely.
The tattoo was the worst.
Nightmare.
Speaking of which, you
ever get tested?
Excuse me?
You know, cause of the ink.
The one inside you.
I'm fine.
- I can't thank you so much for coming.
- Oh, of course.
This is Nico. Nico is a good
friend of Alan's
- What's up, bros.
- Oh, yeah. Hey.
And that's Blanca. Blanca's been
with us since Alan was a baby.
- Hello.
- Hello.
And this is Timothy. Timothy
lives across the street.
He and Alan swim together.
- Hey. What's up, little man?
- Hey.
- Why don't you guys take a seat?
- Yeah.
Tracy's on her way back
with Alan right now.
Obviously he has no idea
this is coming,
so things might get
a little intense.
But no matter what happens,
remember
this is all about Alan getting better.
Mother, Oreo smoothie, now!
- Woh. Hey, everyone.
- Hey!
Hey, Timothy.
Little cold for a swim, isn't it?
Oh, wow. Look, you went to the uh...
pier today. How was that?
- We had a great time.
- Yeah.
I played skeeball for
like forty-five minutes.
It was a pretty sick workout.
What's going on?
Uh... why don't you
have a seat, bud.
We just wanna talk
to you for a sec.
Okay.
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey, yeah.
Oh! You got me.
So, Alan, we're all here
to tell you about
an awesome place called
'New Horizons'.
That does sound awesome.
- Alan, this is an intervention.
- A what?
Mom.
Alan, I love you so
much, we all do.
But we can't keep lying
to each other.
Ever since you were a baby,
all I wanted...
Oh, my God! Is anybody
else falling asleep?
Alan, listen!
No offense, Mom,
but you're boring.
- Mr. Alan.
- Oh, now you?
I pick up after you for
thirty years.
I cleaned your room,
I see things no one
should ever see.
But I pray for you. Mr. Alan,
everyone...
Hey...
- Someone should clean that up.
- Alan!
Alan, you are not well.
You're off your mids, and you're clearly
upsetting your whole family.
- That's baloney!
- Alan
if you say yes to this, we
drive you there today,
and I promise you will come
back a changed man.
Who's 'we'What...what do you
mean 'we'Who's 'we'?
We, all of us. Stu,
Phil, me, you.
You going, Phil?
I love you, Alan.
Hey, Alan, you hungry?
- You wanna get some RB's?
- No thanks.
You know, I meant to tell you earlier,
that's a really cool vest you got on.
Thanks, Phil. It was my Dad's.
He died in it.
Woh. That's intense.
Hey, Alan, I just wanna say what
you're doing is really brave.
We're proud of you.
Yeah, you're gonna do great.
Stop the car. I don't wanna
do this anymore.
- What?
- I've changed my mind.
Alan, you can't change your mind.
Everybody's counting on you.
I- I-I...I'm fine just the way I am.
I wanna go home
Turn the car around!
What the fuck was that?
Oh, my God! He's doing
it on purpose!
Just get out of his way!
Get out of the way.
I am. I am.
- Hey! Hey, get the fuck off!
- We must exchange information.
- Phil! Watch out, Phil!
- Oh, shit!
- Get away from him!
- I'm trying!
Oh, shit!
What the hell are you?
What is happening?
- Stu!
- We are in an elevator!
What the fuck is going on?
Please, this is huge mistake!
- You got the wrong guys!
- No, I got the right fucking guys
Get him up. Pick him up,
put him over here.
Hey, you're black Doug!
It's Black Doug!
Shut the fuck up with that!
Shut the fuck up!
Oh my, God! It is!
Alan, tell me right now, why is
Black Doug kidnapping us?
I said don't call me that
shit no more!
- It ain't Alan's fault.
- Thank you, Black Doug.
- Ooh, Mother fuck...! I will...Fucker!
- Doug!
- Okay, Okay.
- Just Doug, okay?
- Why are you doing this?
- Because...
I told him to.
I'm Marshall.
And whether you know it or not,
we all have something in common,
and it all started four years ago,
when this moron...
...sold the wrong drugs to
this dumb fuck.
You have no idea the chain of events
that were set in motion that night.
In the parking lot of a
fucking liquor store.
- What up, nigger?
- Excuse me?
Chill out, I'm not a cop.
Just in town for the night.
Me and my boys looking
to get our freak on.
You sold Alan roofies.
Oh, shit. I must have
mixed up the bags.
My fault, Alan. Damn! Marshall gonna
be pissed off with me on that one.
Damn! Marshall gonna be pissed
off with me on that one.
MarshallYou're
Marshall?
You brought us out here
because of that?
You're not here
because of that.
You're here because some China
man I never heard of
strolls into my town and takes one
of my guys off the street!
- Mr. Chow?
- Yes.
Yes! Yes, Mr. Leslie-fucking-Chow.
You introduced a virus
into my life.
Oh God, what did he do?
He fucked me in the ass.
Oh, he does that from
time to time.
Not literally.
Jesus!
A few weeks after your bullshit.
I get word this sheik is coming
in from Abu Dhabi.
He was looking to make some
less than legal investments.
He brought his two wives and 42
million dollars in gold bars.
- It was a lay up.
- Get down! Get down!
We took it all.
Two vans, each with 21 million in
gold.
My guys split up.
One of them made it back.
One of them didn't.
Is there a problem, officer?
Not anymore, motherfucker.
Leslie Chow stole 21 million dollars
from me. On a Tuesday.
Oh, God.
I looked everywhere for him.
But he's gone, no one
can find him.
Until the little cockroach got
him self pinched in Bangkok.
So I pay him a visit.
I offer him a truce.
I won't touch a hair on his head,
I just want him to tell
me where my gold is.
He refuses to talk.
Not only he does refuse
to talk to me,
he has no communication with
anyone form the outside.
except you.
Hey, it's unfair!
Alan, you been talking to Chow?
They've been writing letters!
Hey, those are private!
"Dear Leslie, OMG,
the McRib is back!"
"Why was it ever gone?"
Exactly!
"Dear Alan, I threw urine on
prison guard today."
"Blamed it on cell mate.
Wish you were here."
Yeah, I wish I could
have seen that.
Letter after letter of
total nonsense,
except for one common thread.
You guys!
The Wolfpack.
Jesus Christ, Alan!
Five weeks ago, Chow escaped from
maximum security detention.
Oh, fuck.
He stored aboard a shipping freighter
bound for the West Coast.
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
Alan, if you know where he is,
you tell this man right now.
Phil, I...I don't know. I swear,
I haven't talked to him in months.
We Gotta do it the hard way.
- What the fuck!
- Hey, HeyDon't!
- Let's go!
- No! What the fuck?!
Woh! Woh! Woh!
What are you doing?
Doug is my insurance,
he stays with me.
You don't give me Chow,
I blow his brains out.
You go the the cops,
I blow his brains out.
But that's insane! We don't even know
where the fuck he is!
No one does.
But I figured the Wolfpack has the
best chance of finding him.
You have three days!
Get to work.
Can't you take Stu instead?
Fuck you, Alan!
Shit.
Shit!
- Alan?
- Yeah, Phil.
I need you to roll over here
and chew off these hand ties.
Okay.
- Getting a little too much steam.
- Get off me.
Alright. Let me just
shimmy down.
- Would you just...?
- Hold still! Hold still!
Help! Help!
Holy shit.
What are we gonna do, Stu?
We're gonna go
to the police.
Oh, no, we're fucking not.
Did you hear that guy?
He will kill Doug,
period.
Chow is a cancer, he has been a cancer
since the first day we met him.
So we're gonna hand him over to this guy
Marshall and then it's done.
- Hey, Phil!
- Alan, not now!
But I need you, Stu.
I can't do this alone.
Do what aloneWe have no
idea where he even is!
- Phil?
- What, Alan?
Well, I was just gonna
say, I got this strange
email the other day, I wasn't
sure what it meant.
But now I think it might
be from Chow.
"Fatty, it feels good to be out.
I'm close by. Tell no one,
I'll be in touch.
Chow."
This says Chow. How did you not
know this was from Chow?
At the time, I thought it was
Chow like 'goodbye'.
You know Like "Ciao, Arrivederci,
Sbarro, Papa Johns."
I'm writing him back.
Woh. Wait, wait.
Just hold on!
I'm gonna tell him that you're happy he's
out and that you'd love to see him.
Ooh, I would love to see him.
- Do you even know what's going on?
- Yes, I do.
Phil's doing all the
work, I'm his assistant and...
...you're standing there
looking like an idiot.
I'm gonna arrange a meeting.
We're gonna take him out.
"Take him out?" Who says that?
How do we take someone out?
We use drugs. Prescription drugs.
You know the kind a
dentist has access to.
Good luck finding a dentist who will
write fake prescriptions.
Oh, I know one. His name
is Stuart Price.
Now, let's go find a
fucking pharmacy.
Wooh, you just got
schooled, son.
- Are you coming or not?
- I don't like this plan.
Okay, then. Ciao!
I got a pretty dumb sense
of humor, bro.
Everything okay?
Well, it's just a strange request.
This drug, in this amount,
and a pack of syringes,
it's just a little weird.
Yeah. It's just...it's kind of
an emergency, so...
See, that right there, and you're acting
all figgity, plus you look like shit.
In our buisness, these are
all red flags.
I need to call a priscriping doctor
and make sure everything's okay.
Aha. Well, you're in luck because
I actually am a priscriping doctor.
Oh, boy. Another red flag
It says here you're a dentist.
Yeah, Doctor of Dental Science.
This is fucked up.
Hey, Dad?
I think we got a live one.
- How did we do?
- We did good.
I got Demerol, a pack of syringes and
almost lost my dental license.
- What about the Chow, anything?
- Nothing.
Oh, look at this. He emailed me
like twenty minutes ago.
Alan, we've been sit...
Give me the phone, please.
What does it say?
Oh, wow. He wants to meet
Alan tonight at eight.
Just come alone.
Come alone where?
- A bus stop. In Tijuana.
- Tijuana is the bomb!
- Oh, fuck!
- No, that's perfect.
It's like a three hours
drive form here.
Yeah, Stu. Try reading a map.
Yeah, Alan. Try reading,
anything, ever.
Yeah, Stu, try not having
such big horse teeth.
Alright, we need a plan.
They're meeting on a bus
bench in a public place.
So Alan needs to convince Chow to
go some place more private.
Some place where we
can sneak up on him,
drug him.
Like where?
I don't know, like an alley?
What about a movie theater?
Fuck, that's actually a great idea.
The lights go down.
We take the seats behind him, we
jab him and it's fucking done.
I'll jab him if you want,
I've drugged people before.
Yeah. Us.
No offense, Alan, but we're not
letting you handle any drugs.
You kill someone.
Oh, please. I'm an expert.
Remember the marshmallows
in Thailand- Yeah.
I made it so you could eat at least
three before hitting a fatal dose.
Wait.
So you're saying I would
have died if I'd had four?
Nobody eats four
marshmallows, Stu!
That insane theory is the
only reason I'm still alive?
Yes! And you're welcome,
by the way.
Don't say, "you're welcome",
for almost killing me.
- Fine.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Goddammit!
Oh, God.
You know, you were right.
About what?
That place in Arizona. It's
not gonna help him.
There's no facility that
can fix this guy.
We're gonna spend the
rest of our lives dealing...
...with him because
we're all he has now.
Do you realize that?
We're it.
Oh, shit. Check it out.
Is that Chow?
Hey, fat stuff.
- Fat stuff?
- Atataa. That's cool, eyes forward.
- Yeah, okay.
- Anyone follow you?
No, I don't think so.
Good, good. Gotta keep
low profile right now.
Chow wanted man.
Can't trust anyone.
Quick, give me some sugar.
Come on, come on,
come on.
What the fuckDid
he just kiss him?
Listen, I'm in bit of pickle, Alan
I need a friend.
Well, I'm your friend, Leslie.
Exactly, that's why I
called you down here.
You're the only person I can trust
in this shit hole of a life.
Well, that's not true. Stu
and Phil are your friends.
Oh, reallyThat's interesting.
Where are they?
- Around.
- Around where?
I do not know.
Ah, mother fucker! I told
you to come alone!
- Leslie!
- Shit!
- What happened?
- Is he leaving?
Come back, we'll talk some more!
I'll give you another kiss!
He's coming this way.
Oh, fuck. Get down.
Get down.
Oh, fuck!
- Get out of the car, you mutts!
- Leslie! No!
Get off me, fat clown!
Chow! Chow!
Calm down!
- Who sent you?
- No one!
No...we just wanted
to see you!
Liar! No one wants
to see Chow!
- No! We...we missed you.
- What?
We missed you, Chow!
- That's it.
- Yeah.
We missed you!
You miss me?
So much!
You missed Chow?
Yeah, buddy.
We love you, Chow.
Oh God!
I hurt myself today,
to see if I still fell.
I focus on the pain, the only
thing that's real.
What I've become...
What the fuck am I watching?
...my sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes insane...
- Is that gonna be enough?
- Oh, yeah
This'll take about a minute to kick in.
We'll tell the waitress he's drunk,
by the time we get to the
car he'll be out cold.
I will let you down,
I will make you...hurt.
Alan, sit down.
It was really nice, Chow!
Thanks, Phil.
Thanks, Phil. The key is
to sing from the heart.
So Mexico, huhWhat are
you doing down here?
You know, fucking, doing blow, same old,
same old.
Oh, I got into cock fighting.
Oh, cock fighting, that
sounds wonderful.
Yes, basically been killing
it down here.
That is just terrific.
RightI mean that's terrific.
I think that calls for a toast.
I like that. To killin' it.
To killin' it.
Yeah, to killing it.
You okay, Chow?
I don't know, you tell me?
So, how many roaster birds
do you have, Chow?
Ssh. Act cool, or
I open his vein.
Why you wanna drug
poor Chow?
No, no, it's not what
you think.
- There's this guy Marshall...
- Marshall?
How do you know
that fat fuck?
He says that you took his gold,
and he's got Doug
and he's gonna kill him
unless we bring you back.
It's true!
I swear to God
it's true!
Chow. Chow, that's
the truth.
Goddamn it!
That motherfucker.
Stu, are you okay?
- You alright?
- No!
I'm sorry, Chow.
We're sorry.
We didn't know
what else to do.
- Next time, don't lie to Chow.
- You're right.
You are so right, and we
made a huge mistake.
So what do we do now?
That depends.
Can I trust you?
- What is this place, Chow?
- My house.
Chow used to be on
top of the world.
Had three beautiful homes in
three different countries.
But this one, my Mexican villa,
this was my favorite.
Then everything got fucked.
Chow go to prison,
all my property seized.
My homes...sold at auction
to highest bidders.
But I know something no
one else knows.
This house is where
I stashed the gold.
- Marshall's gold?
- Yep.
Hid it inside the
basement wall,
no one knows it's there.
We're gonna go get it.
Wait. You mean break in?
Look, Marshall wants
his gold,
and he's gonna hunt me
down until he gets it.
If we show up without it,
he'll kill me.
We're not breaking
in anywhere.
Not anywhere, Stu,
my house.
It's a piece of cake.
I know every square inch
of this place.
The best part, the guy
we're stealing it from...
...doesn't even know it's there.
So he'll never know
it's gone.
You guys know what's
going on, right?
What do you mean?
And please correct me
if I'm wrong.
We're not breaking
into this house,
this house is too small.
We're breaking into another house.
This is just a model, right, Chow?
WhatAlan, no!
My chickens!
Shit!
Chow, what the fuck?!
Watch out for the cocks!
They're trained to kill!
His beak is so sharp!
Stay still! I'm trying to help!
Don't!
Woh! Fucking bullseye!
Are you out of your mind?!
Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em!
Shoot 'em!
The window!
- Out!
- I'm trying!
Ssh...ssh. Don't struggle.
Let go.
You won a lot of fights,
Wallace.
Not this time.
What the fuck was wrong
with those chickens?
They're angry.
All I feed them is cocaine...
and chicken.
- That's some house, Chow.
- It was my Shangri-La.
Now it's gone.
Could you not spit inside
my minivan, please?
- Jesus!
- Who lives there now?
Some dot com millionaire.
He's never here, this
is a vacation home.
The help doesn't show up on Sundays.
No one there but the guard dogs. Stu?
We'll toss these burgers over the gate,
wait for the Demerol to kick in.
Make sure you put in
enough to kill them.
We're not gonna kill
the dogs, Chow.
This will knock them
out for hours.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know
you work for PETA.
What a pussy!
Alan, take that.
- Where are you going?
- You'll see.
Glad to meet you,
little loser.
Excuse me, fucking asshole
Follow me.
Ok, here's the deal!
Two security panels inside, if you cut
only one wire, it triggers alarm.
Place will be crawling with cops.
But if you cut wire on both panels at
same time, alarm disabled.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get inside
without tripping the alarm?
Check this out.
Any more stupid questions?
Now, who's coming with me?
I'll do it.
You wanna tell him?
Alan, you're just too fat.
Roger that.
Don't kick me,
motherfucker!
No, no, no. Don't get up,
will trip motion detectors.
Stay low, like dog.
Oh, okay. Good idea.
- Which way?
- In there, the kitchen.
Oh! What the fuck is that?
I'm saying hello. We're
dogs, remember?
Hey, Stu. Check it out.
Oh, my God!
So gross!
God! Chow cut it out!
Okay, I'm here.
Now what?
Pull the cover off so you
can see the wires.
Okay. Done!
Okay, on three, cut the gray wire!
One, two...
Wait! Wait! Wait! I don't
have gray wire.
I have red, green and yellow!
That's weird. I have light gray,
medium gray and dark gray.
You do?
Motherfucker. My bad,
I'm color blind.
You're what?!
Fuck it, just cut
the middle one.
My middle one could be different,
they wires are all twisted!
On three. One, two...
Chow, stop! Hold on,
I'm coming to you.
What the fuck's taking
them so long?
Where did you get the shirt?
A Diesel store?
- Phil?
- What?
It's a cute top, where'd
you get that shirt?
What's the problem?
Just point to the wire you
want me to cut.
- This gray one right here.
- Great.
For your information,
that's green.
Ooh, which one's red?
The one in your left hand.
Wait, which hand is that?
I'm also dyslexic.
What the fuck?!
Where'd you get it?
I don't know. I'll find out,
I'll get you one.
There's a cool Diesel store in
the mall that I like to go to,
right next to the Food Court.
I don't know if it's Diesel.
Looks like a Diesel.
What's the matter with you?
Okay, you're still holding the
one I left you with, right?
Pretty much.
Oh, fuck.
Alright. On three.
One, two, three!
Holy shit, it worked.
All good?
Easy peasy.
- Alright.
- You have no idea.
Come on.
Jesus! Be careful, Chow!
Fuck this guy.
Living in my house,
living my life.
- Can we just stick to the plan?
- Fine.
Ruined.
He is completely out of control.
Let's just get this done.
This way. Come on,
come on.
It's buried behind
this wall.
- Alan!
- Here you go, boss.
Fuck!
You okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
Just warming up.
It's so heavy. Do we
have lighter one?
Why don't you just let
me do it, Chow?
Okay. Either way, you or
me, same thing.
You might wanna take your shirt
off, it makes it easier.
- What?
- I've heard that too.
See that. Chow came
back for you.
That's the last of it.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
You triple sure?
- Yes!
- Good!
Chow?
Chow!
Chow!
Chow!
Chow!
Chow!
Chow, open the fucking
door right now!
Stuart Price. No felonies, one
arrest, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Phil Warnick. No felonies, one
arrest, also Las Vegas, Nevada.
Alan Garner.
Is this record accurate?
Uh-huh. I did that.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Masturbating on a city bus.
Yep, that was me.
Look, we've been here
for five hours.
We already told your guys
everything that we know.
No. You told them a story about
a little Chinese man.
Leslie Chow. He is an international
criminal, look it up.
A little Chinese man that no one
in town has seen or heard of.
And the hotel you say he's staying,
there's no one there.
Probably because he
left town.
That's one theory.
Another theory is that
you're lying.
Lude behavior, Cracker Barrel,
Christmas Eve.
HearThere's a guy in the face
who wants to see you.
Excuse me.
We're fucking dead.
Why would Mr. Chow do this?
Because he's a greedy piece
of shit who used us.
Yeah, but he's our friend.
Oh, grow up, Alan.
You're free to leave.
All the charges have
been dropped.
By who?
It's your lucky day. There's a car waiting
for you out front.
Come on, let's go.
I'm sorry, what is this?
Get in the car.
Excuse me, sirWhere
are we headed?
Welcome back!
- What the fuck?
- Let's go, guys.
Out to the back.
- Doug?
- Guys!
Get you ass back
over here!
Leslie Chow never lived here.
You did not break into his old house,
you broke into my house.
I don't understand.
You didn't get back the
gold he stole from me,
you got the other half
that he didn't.
Oh my, God!
Oh, you...you mean the
half he never had?
He's a word class rat and you
three were his accomplices.
- No, no, no, no.
- We had no idea!
We were trying to help you, we
thought you'd be happy!
Thank you so much.
Thank you for ripping
me off!
Thank you for desecrating
my home!
And thank you for killing
my fucking dogs!
We didn't kill your dogs,
they're just tranquilized.
Oh, right.
You don't know.
Chow snapped their necks
on his way out.
- What?
- And somebody's gotta pay.
- He's right.
- No, no, no, no!
My head of security.
Couldn't stop three fuckups and a China
man with a pair of wire cutters.
Unreal!
Oh, man! That's okay.
I know it's scary.
Hector! Run upstairs and grab a pair
of sweat pants for Alan here.
I'm a 44 slim. Can you bring me
a few options?
You found Chow once,
find him again.
And my gold.
Wait. We don't even
have a car.
Chow stole my minivan.
Take the limo, Hector
has the keys.
And get going.
I'm killing Dougs today.
I never saw anyone get
killed before.
Right! My God, that
was so intense.
I mean, he just fell and he's...
he's dead.
- I feel sick.
- Me too.
Well, maybe we should get
some food, guys.
What are we gonna doWe have
no idea where Chow is.
- I don't know.
- He took your minivan,
maybe we could report it stolen and
then they could track him down?
It's worth a shot.
Oh, fuck!
I left my phone
in the minivan.
Well, if you lost your phone, Phil,
I have that 'find my phone app'.
Oh, we have bigger problems
than that, Alan.
No, no. Wait, wait. If your
phone is in the minivan,
and...and Chow has the minivan,
then your phone's with Chow.
You heard him, we have bigger
problems than that, Stu.
Alan, give me your phone.
- Quick. That's brilliant.
- Yes!
- Wait. What's your password?
- Hey, Phil.
- Yeah?
- No, that's it.
- What?
- That's my password. "Hey, Phil."
- It is it.
- Phil gets it.
Nothing worse than
losing your phone.
You just saw a man get murdered, your
brother-in-law is kidnapped,
you sure there's nothing worse?
You don't get it, Stu.
You just don't get it.
Do you?
I have over sixty apps
on that phone!
What if I lost my phone?
Do you have any idea how
much time and man hours
it would take to re-download
those apps?
You're...you are right. I had not
thought of that. Thank you.
Oh, God. It's not always
about you, Stu!
It's locating.
- Oh, God. Of course.
- What?
Where is he?
He's in fucking Vegas.
- Shot gun.
- Oh, no.
Hey, Stu?
I don't enjoy talking to
you that way.
I don't know why you insist on
making me blow my top.
We've been on a lot of
adventures together.
But it seems like you haven't
learned anything.
Anything!
You think on it.
I'll be in the limo.
He's okay.
Someone needs to burn this
place to the ground.
I told myself I'd never
come back.
Don't worry. It all
ends tonight.
It says 200 yards up
on the right.
And here it is!
Amazing!
Looks like he ditched it.
- It's open!
- No shit.
Look around.
See if he left anything in here.
- I found the Demerol.
- Good.
Keep it we gonna need it.
Ah, I got my phone.
No fucking keys though.
- Alan, anything?
- No, not even the gold.
Why the fuck would
chow come here?
I do not know. right?
Why here?
Nice!
Excuse me. Have you happened
to see
the driver of that minivan that's
parked out front?
- Short Asian guy.
- They are all short.
It's so true.
Right, but may have been trying
to pawn some gold.
That would be my business,
would not it?
I like your T-shirt.
I saw that show
at the Forum.
He played "Captain Jack".
Yeah, I heard that
was legendary.
Woman, you have no idea!
Try me.
Cassie I'm hungry.
I thought that you'd
order Chinese.
Mom, I'm with a
customer!
You'll eat when I say
it's time to eat.
But the doctor -
If you do not reverse that right now,
there's gonna be hell to pay.
- She's rude.
- Thank you.
You hear that, Mom?
Nobody likes you.
Yes, keep your mouth shut!
You're smart.
The Chinese guy came
in here earlier.
He was pretty wierd.
He pawned a gold brick. That
thing is worth 400 Grand
He took 80,000.
Did he say where he was going?
I'm sorry, I was
talking to you?
He said he wanted three things:
He wanted some girls, some
guys and some bath salts.
I gave him a card for an escort service,
and he fuck off.
Pretty high handsome,
good luck getting
anything out.
Thank you.
We gotta go, we should go.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
- Anything?
- No, I'm still on hold.
Look how happy this
fucking guy is.
Have you ever witnessed a
moment with much heat?
White, hot heat,
bro!
- That was pretty intense.
- Yeah!
Yeah, it is actually an emergency.
He has a thick Asian accent.
I totaly get it, but this's a highly
unusual circumstance and -
Okay, alright.
It is an escort service.They're
not gonna tell us shit.
Maybe an escort would.
Do you still have her number?
Yeah, but it would be
pretty awkward.
That's all we got.
She's smiling at me again,
from inside the shop!
It is the best day
of my life.
- Hey!
- Oh my God! You guys.
It's been so long!
- Come in!
- Thank you!
- You look great.
- So do you. You are pregnant.
- I feel so bad.
- Oh, please.
Would you guys mind taking
your sheos off?
Because I'm kind
of a germ freak.
Yes, of course.
- Alan.
- Alan, what are you doing?
Sorry.
- Wow, you have a great house.
- Thank you.
I got married a year ago.
to a surgeon.
- Another doctor, can you believe it?
- Another doctor.
His name is Jeff, you guys
would love him.
Tyler, say hi to momy's friends
- Hi.
- Hey
- Wait, is that the baby?
- Yeah, time flies huh.
Listen jade, is there a place
that we can talk,
this is a little more private.
Yeah, let's go to the kitchen.
You guys want coffee?
Perfect.
Hey, you coming?
Hey Jade, is it okay if I go say
hello to the little guy?
Of course.
- Nice stuff.
- Thanks. Jeff bought it for me.
Jeff, Who's that?
Your fake Dad?
Your name was Carlos once.
Did you know that?
- No.
- Well, it was.
And frankly it suites you better.
Okay.
- Do you remember me?
- No.
Are you my real dad?
Yes.
I dont't know, I mean you
gotta understand
I've been out of that world
a few years now.
Yeah, of course. We
totally get that.
I mean Jeff knows everything,
and he's cool but...
We are just asking if you
could call around
just find out anybody might
know where he is.
We could really use your help.
You used to love it when
I carry you around.
Sometimes I can still feel for your
little head on my chest.
- So, do you like this new Jeff guy?
- Yeah, he's nice.
My dad was nice too. We
did everything together.
He was my life partner.
I really let him down.
Okay.
Just trust me. You don't wanna go over
there, okay. Not this one.
I love you too.
She says this is crazy
Chinese guy,
and he's hold up in the penthouse
suit at Caesars Palace.
There's girls going in and out.
Drugs everywhere.
It sounds like a bad scene.
Hey, Alan.
We gotta go.
I gotta go, little man. It was
great to talking to you.
High Five.
- It was great to see you.
- You too Jade.
- Thanks so much for your help.
- Yeah.
- That's a great kid you got there.
- He's the best.
Alan!
I have something for you.
- Perfect.
- Oh, please.
I'll see you around, Carlos.
- Yeah?
- We got him.
- Great. Where is he?
- Caesars Palace.
Change the plan. Tell them
we're going to Vegas.
I'm on my way.
There is a spot just outsite the town.
I'll text you the details
be there at 6 a.m.
And make sure that little
fucker is tied up.
We don't have him!
Hey Marshall, It's Phil.
Maybe Stu wasn't clear enough.
We don't actually have Chow.
We just know where he is.
Yeah, and we're hoping you and your
could go to Caesers and get him.
I don't give a fuck what
you're hoping.
- The deal is you bring chow to me.
- Oh, fuck.
6:00 a.m. or your friend is dead.
Oh, Shit.
- Oh God, this place gives me the chills.
- I know, right?
It's great to be back. So
many good memories.
- Are you kidding me?
- Okay. So, Here's the deal.
You need a key just to
get onto his floor.
And once you're there he's got
security posted at the door.
It's ridiculous.
Let me guess,
that's him
Yup. The one with the
strobe lights.
I got an idea
But you not gonna like it.
- It's not gonna work.
- Not with that fucking attitude.
Did you know this whole place
is made out of marble?
Come on.
Go Go Go
Alright, after we stick Chow, Alan and
I gonna take him down to the lobby.
You'll be waiting in the vallet,
engine running, ready to go.
- Are you sure about this?
- Give me Demerol.
See you in twenty minutes.
- Hey, Phil?
- Yeah?
Don't die.
Alright.
- Are you ready to do this?
- Yeah.
Wait, what are we doing?
Shit!
We gonna climp down, and then it's about
an 8 foot drop to the balcony.
- Alright?
- Yeah.
- No, You spit on your own hands.
- Oh, yeah
Dry desert air.
Alan, it's fine. You
don't need it.
Oh, God.
Be careful!
I'm okay!
- Hey, Phil
- What's wrong?
- Hold on a seceond.
- What?
Hold one. Like, kick yourself
out a little bit.
- Alan!
- Stay Still.
Alan!
- Did you get it?
- No, hold on.
That's cool.
Oh, Fuck me!
- Is everything all right?
- It's okay!
It's alright. I got it.
Are you okay?
Alan, it's your turn.
- That's it.
- Oh, God!
Come on.
- Alan, are you all right?
- Call the security! I think it's slipping.
- Just hold on!
- Oh, God!
- You need to calm down.
- I'm slipping, Phil!
- Oh shit! You're okay!
- Help!
Oh, no.
- I'm gonna die, Phil!
- No, you're fine. Just...
drop down to me.
No chance. I'm gonna
be up here.
Alan, you can do this.
I'll catch you.
Just...
...Let go.
That's it, that's it. Just drop
straight down.
Do not push off.
No!
- Oh, God!
- Come here!
Holy fuck!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Shit! Oh
I almost died, Phil.
Come on, I wasn't gonna let you go.
You're my boy.
And you're my man.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Let's go get this fucker.
Hey!
Have you seen...
Phil!
Motherfucker!
Get the gun!
Oh, fuck!
Phil, are you okay?
Chow!
Chow!
Chow, open the fucking door!
- Chow, stop!
- Motherfuckers!
Leslie, get down from there please,
you gonna hurt yourself.
Nothing hurts chow.
I'm invisible!
It's "invincible", and
you're not, you're just...
...out of you're fucking mind.
Now Get down from there
before you die!
DieHow do you kill what's
already dead?
Fuck!
- Hey, are you okay?
- No, look up.
- What the fuck is that?
- That's Chow!
- What?
- Follow him!
I love cocaine.
Get out of the way!
- How did this happen?
- We had him trapped,
and then he jumped.
He's out of his fucking mind.
I'm out of my fucking mind.
Wow, beautiful.
- Stu, don't lose him.
- I'm trying!
Holy shit.
I believe I can fly. I believe
I can touch the sky.
Thinking about it every
night and day.
We gotta pack up all this gold.
We're taking it with us.
- Talk to me, Stu.
- I got him.
I got it.
Shit.
Fuck!
I lost him.
Don't tell me that. You
can't lose him!
This is so much harder than
you realize, Phil.
I'm just a dentist.
No, Stu. You are a fucking doctor
Now go get him
Where the fuck
did he go.
Oh Fuck me!
I should have thought this through.
Shit!
Move.
- Stu?
- Chow?
- Stop the fucking car!
- I can't!
- The pedal is stuck!
- What?
- I can't see anything!
- Motherfucker!
- Get off!
- Pull over!
It will not stop!
Get off the car! I can't
see anything!
We're gonna die finally.
- Holy Shit!
- Stu, What happened?
- Stu, what's going on?
- We had an accident.
- I think he's dead!
- Wait, what?
I think I killed him.
Holy shit!
- He's not moving.
- Oh fuck!
Mr. Chow?
Chow.
- Stuart?
- He's alive. He's okay.
Oh, great. Put him in the Limo
and come get us.
- We meet you in the vallet.
- Yeah, okay.
- Stu, that was some ride huh pal?
- Yeah, it was pretty wild.
I can't feel my nuts. Would you rather make
sure they're okay?
It's over, Leslie.
Wait. Let's make
a deal.
Do you want chow
to blow your dick?
Come on, Stu.
I could be a good wife to you.
- No more deals!
- No!
Let's put the bags into the back seat.
The trunk is full.
Hey, guysI'm feeling
better now.
Alright, it's the next exit and 4 miles
straight into the desert.
I'll tell you what.
Let me out, we split the gold
four ways, everyone wins.
Marshall is gonna kill me! My blood
will be on your hands.
You want Chow's ghost haunting
for the rest of your live, Stu?
Floating over you, while you
make fuck on your wife?
He's not gonna kill you, Chow!
He just wants his gold back!
It's gone.
I blew the first 20 million
in Bangkok.
That's why I had to get
the other half.
- Enough Chow. It's over!
- You motherfucker!
When I get out of this, I'm gonna whip
out your fucking lungs!
Do you hear me, you are dead!
You are dead!
I didn't mean that. Chow loses
temper sometimes.
Please, I need help.
I know that.
It's right there.
They are here.
Alan, they're coming,
grab the last bag.
Please Alan.
Doug!
That boy for the bags,
Let's go!
Are we goodIt's all there,
I promise.
Not exactly. I'm is still missing
the original half.
But no that, that's all we have Chow said he
blew the other half in Bangkok.
Where is he?
He's in the trunk.
A deal for deal.
Doug! Shit.
Give me the keys.
- What are you gonna do with Chow?
- I just wanna talk to him.
Move.
You alright?
What the fuck?
End of conversation.
- Why would you do that?
- Leslie Chow is madness.
You do not talk to madness.
If you are lucky, you trap it in the trunk
of your Limo
and you kill it.
You've have done a great thing tonight.
You should feel good about this.
What the fuck?
- Do you think this's a fucking game?
- No, no?
Todelo, motherfuckers.
Chow.
- Chow.
- Chow, wait.
Now you wanna talk, blue eyes?
No more silent treatment?
- Leslie, no.
- Stay out of this, fatty.
No, Leslie.
If you want to shoot Phil,
you gonna go through me.
What?
- Alan!
- Quiet.
I'm gonna stare off.
Today you all live, because one
of you was a friend.
Alan, what do you do?
I unlocked the latch between the
back seat and the trunk.
- And left him his gun?
- Yeah, I didn't think all the way through.
He gave chow fighting chance.
That's all I ever needed.
Fat fuck.
It's never easy, is itNo one
wants to see that.
Except for me. But I
was born bad.
Hold on. I have something
for you.
For your loyalty.
Oh no, I don't want
this, Mr. Chow.
Okay give it back then
come on.
Quick! Before Stu smells it.
I don't want it either, Chow.
Oh please like a squirrel
doesn't wanna a nut.
It's funny because he's Jewish.
Don't you get it?
God damn it.
Okay, go on, get out
of here all of you.
Hey chowsta, I'll call you in a week.
We'll get together.
No, Leslie. We cannot
be friends anymore.
What?
You're not good for me.
It's not healthy.
Alan, you're not thinking straight.
Let's just talk tomorrow.
Leslie, you are one of the coolest
and nicest guys
I've ever met.
And you are smart, funny and
everybody loves you.
Alan, what is this?
It's just when we get together bad
things happen,
- people get hurt.
- Yeah, that's the point, that's funny.
I'm gonna make some changes in
my life, this is one of them.
I'm sorry.
Farewell, Leslie Chow.
You are cool as ice.
Shot gun.
Everybody okay?
- Yeah.
- Alan, you're okay?
Yeah.
Good, let's go home.
Jesus Christ.
You know what, guys?
You can go ahead without me, there's
something I need to do.
Do you even know
how to get home?
Of course I do. I am a grown man.
I'll ask a stranger.
Good luck, Alan.
See you soon.
Did you know that just a couple
blocks from here,
there is a place that looks
like Paris, France?
I can't remember what it's called, but
it supposed to be magnificent.
It's called Paris Hotel and Casino,
and it is magnificent.
Yeah, that's it. Well, I would like to
dinner there,
- Tonight.
- Oh Sorry, No can do.
I'm banned from the
casino for life.
Plus ten years.
We took mom there for
her birthday,
played a little Blackjack.
She split tens. I may
have overreacted
They said it was abusive
and elderly.
- I've done that.
- Yeah, right.
I can't go back there.
But...
Golden Nugget has the best
prime rib in town...
Oh, that sounds a glorious.
I'll send for you
at 8:00 o'clock.
Is that it?
I saw it once. In a
pornography.
It's a nice gesture, but maybe
we should wait.
Oh okay, yeah.
I'll see you at 8:00.
You look great, Alan.
What do you think?
Hat or no hat?
- Hat.
- Oh yeah, okay.
Wow! Who is this guy?
The vest and the cain?
I love it.
Thank you, Cassie picked
it out for me.
You look like Mr. Peanut.
Yeah, I know rightThat's what
I was going for.
Maybe we just lose it.
Hey Alan, I was just talking to cassie
she's an amazing woman.
Oh, Thank you for saying that, she
is an amazing woman,
I find her much better
than your wives.
Oh, that's sweet.
Which reminds me, we
need to talk. Doug?
Alright, listen fellas, now that I'm
getting married.
I am gonna spend a lot more
time with Cassandra.
Of course, it's the way
it should be.
No, you slow your roll
Phil, okay?
There is more. You're not
gonna like this part.
I must resign from
the Wolf Pack.
Wow that's a big step,
Alan.
I know, but she is
my soul mate.
And my new best friend.
Plus, so lets me mount her.
Which relaxes me.
Oh, my God!
Oh Alan, maybe never
say that part again.
Chillax, Doug. We're
all adults here.
I know you mount my sister.
I've seen it, many times.
What?
Alan, you're the best.
The point is, you need
to let me go.
You in particular. I can't be
your hero anymore.
Okay, sure.
Having said all that, I still like to get
together on tuesdays for bowling,
and on alternating Sundays for
general horse play.
How about we play
all that by year.
- Alan, it's time.
- Here we go.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.