From timings by: bRalph.
Warning! Obscene Language Uncensored!
Song: Bad Man's World
by Jenny Lewis.
(phone dialing)
(phone ringing)
(voice-mail) Hi, you've reached the
office of Dr. Stuart Price.
Please note the office will be closed
until the 24th.
If this is an emergency,
please try...
(phone dialing)
(phone ringing)
(voice-mail) Hi! This is Dr. Stu Price.
I'm getting married.
So I'll be out of the
country for 2 weeks.
I'm not sure if I'll
have cell service.
If this is a dental emergency...
Nothing.
(speaking in Thai)
Daddy, please! You're not helping!
I looked into his eyes.
Not the eyes of a man.
The eyes of a coward.
(speaking in Thai again)
Excuse me!
- Bill!
- Tracy!
- I'm sorry!
- Where the hell are you?
It happened again!
Don't say that, please!
No this time we really fucked up.
Seriously! What is wrong with you three?
So much Trace, I don't even know
where to begin.
Oh god! How bad?
- Like, no wedding bad?
- Yeah...
a little worse than that.
THE HANGOVER PART II
ONE WEEK EARLIER
Uh, huh.
- You really need to floss more.
- Fuck that! That's why I come here.
- Then you should come more than once every two years!
- Why? So you can bleed me of all my money?
I never charge you a dime, Phil!
- Hey, how do I work the nitrous?
- Ah, you don't actually.
Come on! Just one hit!
Fillings look pretty good. Any other problems?
Yeah, actually. You're getting married
in Thailand.
For starters, that's flights for me and Steph.
That's two grand right there.
Then my mother in laws watching the kids. So
now she's got this whole new thing over my head.
Plus, takes five days to get there.
It's a 16 hour flight. And it's beautiful
when you get there.
- Whatever, it's a hassle!
- It is kinda far.
Lauren's been there a week and she's
still jet lagged.
But it's where her parents are from and
it means a lot to them.
Who gives a shit about her parents!
Her dad hates you!
He doesn't hate me! He's just never
spoken to me...
...I think it's a cultural thing.
Why can't you just get married in Vegas like
you did the last time. It's so much easier.
Why can't you just be excited for me?
This is my wedding!
- You're really happy, huh?
- I really am.
Alright...
...I'm happy too.
- Thank you!
- Gonna be fun.
Phil. Put the prescription pad back.
- Thank you. You know that's a felony right?
- Fuck you, man!
- Was this right up against your scrotum?
- Yep.
- Oh my god, I just realized.
- What?
- I forgot to renew my passport!
- Oh no...
Good thing I did it last week. It's in
the kitchen drawer.
- You're the best!
- Hey! We're a team!
You're a good guy. Like a really good guy!
Thank you!
- So I know you're not gonna get mad.
- Mad? What, mad at what?
Alan found out that we're going to
Thailand for Stu's wedding.
- So?
- So he's heart broken Doug. You guys are like his family!
No. Your family is like his family.
All Alan talks about is the three of you.
- And that weekend.
- Wait a second...
- Is he the one who keeps calling and hanging up?
- He does that when he's upset.
He doesn't understand why he's not invited.
Could you just run it by Stu? Just run it by him.
For me...
No fucking way! Absolutely not!
Come on Stu, it's killing him.
Honestly, the two of you were barely invited.
I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what...
Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
I consider Alan to be insane.
Stu, throw him a bone! We've already said he's got to
pay for everything he eats and everything he breaks.
You know what. We should see if we can squeeze
the old man to cover the bachelor party.
- That's good.
- I'm glad you brought that up.
- Because... this is the bachelor party!
- What?
- What are you talking about?
- Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch!
Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes... a
lap dance from the waitress...
That's bullshit! You can't just skip
out of a bachelor party, Stu.
You see that? That's orange juice with
a napkin on top.
Do you know why? So nobody will refuse me.
Why I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe
at a bachelor party?
- C'mon Stu. Don't you think you're over reacting?
- No, I don't.
I'm still putting the pieces of my broken
psyche back together.
And you know what the glue is? Lauren!
I'm not doing anything to screw that up.
- Oh, please. You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us.
- Oh, this'll be good.
Stu, think about it!
You ended up ditching Melissa, and two years later
you met your true soul mate.
You take Vegas out of that equation, you
would have married a cunt.
Oh that's ok. I'm allowed to say it. It's
a bachelor party.
Drink up everybody.
Oh wait, there's no alcohol! I forgot
we're at a fuckin IHOP!
Well it's my decision and it's final, so...
how bout a toast?
This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
- C'mon Phil, where you going?
- Doug, Doug, I just don't get it!
He's getting married in Thailand! That's
great for him, but what about us?
You're selfish! Come on, sweetheart...
Shame on you!
Don't worry Stu. I will stand up for you
no matter what.
Thank you.
But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing.
Guys, I can't tell you how much this means...
Alan's been waiting for the invite ever
since he got word of the wedding.
- I'm sure he has.
- Yeah.
Been standing outside by the mailbox every day.
- Well that's tough.
- Yeah.
I uh, I'm not sure he ever left Vegas.
He really needs this.
What?
Sweetie, papa! You have visitors!
Go in slowly.
Give him a chance to acclimate.
- Hey, Alan!
- Hey, guys! Hey, Phil!
Hey, bud!
- You guys wanna come in?
- Sure. Absolutely.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, Stu!
- Ok. See you on the court in half...
- Pretty cool room, Alan!
- Thanks, Phil! My dad pays my rent.
Alan, what the fuck! You were supposed
to delete these!
You made a promise!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the hell? I'm not cool with this
at all. You can't have these.
Relax, Stu! Nobody ever comes in here.
- A total violation of trust!
- Mother I'm done with my lunch. It's just sitting here!
I'm sorry, honey. I'll be right up.
- I can't believe you guys stopped by. This is really cool.
- Wait a second!
- Al, is that Mr. Chow?
- Yeah. We still keep in touch.
Stu!
Chow, the guy that kidnapped us?
He didn't kidnap us. He kidnapped Black Doug.
Remember? It was a whole big misunderstanding.
He's actually quite charming.
- Alan, he's a criminal.
- Excuse me, boys!
- Hi, Linda!
- Hi, Dougie!
I guess we don't do desert anymore. I
didn't get that memo.
I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
Would a cupcake kill you?
- You know, I don't think this was a good idea.
- Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- Well only if you're not busy.
- Stu!
Well maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.
Nope. They're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend.
Are you really being serious, Stu?
You're inviting me?
Yeah why not? It's gonna be fun, right?
- Phil, are you going?
- Of course!
Then it will be fun.
What the fuck are you doing, man?
It's my immunizations. It's the last day
I can do it.
That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse.
I'm a nurse. Just not registered.
Stu, look at this!
I bought this cause I thought of you!
- Hey, there he is!
- Hey, Stu!
- Teddy! What's up? How are ya?
- Hey Stu.
- Alright. Who's this guy, Stu?
- This is Teddy. Lauren's little brother.
Goes to Stanford. Pre-med. This is
Phil, Alan and Doug.
Hey, nice to meet you, man!
Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
- He's 17. Kind of a genius.
- Actually, I'm 16.
I'm not a genius. My dad just had me take
the entrance exams early.
Because you're a genius.
- So what are you, a doctor?
- No, not yet. I'm premed.
- Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?
- Yeah.
- Well, he turned out to be a gay.
- Alan.
It's true, I read it in Teen People.
Right, ok... well I'm gonna grab a book or something
for the plane. You guys want anything?
- No, thanks. I'm good.
- I would actually love a small water.
Cool.
- What's the matter with you. He's 16 years old.
- Yeah, Alan. Take it easy!
I'm a little confused. Is he here just to
see us off or what. How does this work?
- How does what work?
- Is that person coming to the wedding?
Yes Alan. My brides little brother is
coming to the wedding. Is that ok with you?
Well, it's the first time I've heard of it.
You could have paged me.
Don't over react. It's gonna be fine.
- Hey. Mind if I sit?
- Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
- There's no wolfpack, Alan. C'mon.
- It's no problem. I'll find...
- Teddy, don't be ridiculous! You're sitting here!
- Careful, that's a Louis...
That is a Louis Vuitton!
- That's a nice neck roll!
- Thanks! You can use it if you want.
Ok.
The Downeaster 'Alexa'" by Billy Joel playing
Baby!
This is so absolutely beautiful!
Thank you much!
Of course.
Between Teddy and me, you must be pretty excited.
Pretty soon you'll have 2 doctors in the family.
You have to realize that in my country we
don't consider dentists to be real doctors.
Dad...
Ok.
Anyway I have to go and talk to Teddy
about his cello performance tonight.
Ouch!
I'm so sorry...
Your dad's kind of obsessed with your
brother, isn't he?
Teddy is my dad's prize possession. It's
always been that way.
He'll warm up, I promise! Okay?
You can just fax it over to me. I'll
pick it up at the concierge.
Thanks, papa! Bye bye!
That was my dad. I'm a stay at home son.
We were discussing your wedding gift.
He's sparing no expense.
Oh... That's so unnecessary.
I've been meaning to ask someone. I
notice this is a fishing village.
Is there a Long John Silver's on
the island?
You know. No, I don't think so. I'm so sorry.
But, we are actually serving some
great fresh seafood.
- Better than Long John's?
- Yes.
- I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening.
- You too. Ok.
All right!
Thank you, Teddy!
The hands of a brilliant musician!
And one day, a great surgeon.
I admit it...
When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.
He seemed unattractive. He lacked
intelligence and imagination.
He was missing the spark you look for
in a man.
But then I looked into Stu's eyes.
It reminded me of my sweet brother,
Chai Yo.
For those who do not know, Chai Yo is learning
the sailboat and lives in a group home.
But Chai Yo loves "khao" .
And that's when I realized, Stu is "khao".
What is "khao"?
"Khao" is soft white rice in luke warm water.
It has no taste.
We feed it to small baby and uh, very
old people.
It is nourishment that everyone can digest.
The world needs "khao", just as the
world needs people like Stu.
To my sweet daughter and Stu!
Congratulations!
Cheers!
And now I believe that Teddy has
something to say.
Sit down! I got this.
Sit down, boy!
That was a.. a great speech, sir!
I like the comparison between
Stu and rice.
I've also prepared a few words.
Hey everybody. Here's some fun facts.
The population in Thailand is 63 million people.
It is twice the size of Wyoming.
It's chief exports are textiles, footwear
and rice.
Each year approximately 13,000 people are
killed in car accidents in Thailand.
- The climate in Thailand...
- Alan!
- Why don't you skip to the last card there, buddy.
- Okay. Sorry!
None of you know Stu like I do.
Not you... not you... not you...
Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
No one!
I can't even tell you what we've been
through cause we made a pact.
More important than blood.
What I can tell you is this. This is
not Stu's first marriage.
There was a whore in Las Vegas
a couple of years ago.
Sit down...
- Enough! He'll get over it!
- Okay. Thanks, Phil!
In your face!
Well that was exactly as painful as I
expected it to be.
Sorry...
- Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?
- HaHa. Very funny!
Be nice, Phil! He's extra sensitive tonight.
Get over it! He's your father in law. He's
supposed to hate you.
Come have a drink with me and the guys.
You know... I'm really exhausted. We're
just gonna go upstairs and crash.
C'mon, I just spoke with the manager. He's
gonna let us have a bonfire on the beach.
That sounds fun!
- Nyah... I'm good.
- He's tired!
Stu, one drink with your friends who
came all this way.
- I just wanna hang out with you!
- Oh c'mon. Just go! And do me a favor.
Take Teddy with you. He never gets to
have any fun.
That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
- Alright. One drink!
- Perfect.
- See you later.
- Have fun!
- You have the key?
- Yep, got it right here!
I'll see you in 20 minutes!
My uncle Roger said that he once saw
an albino polar bear.
Really? Polar bears are white.
How would he know if it's an albino?
This one was black.
Did you ever think maybe it was
just a black bear?
Whatever...
Ok. Here we go. American beer.
- Sealed bottle!
- Thank you. Alright!
- I'm not really old enough to drink.
- Yeah, it's illegal.
Would be a shame if somebody reported you.
Nobody's reporting anybody.
It's fine Teddy. Have a little fun.
Careful!
What is this? Instant marshmallows?
Nice touch!
- That was Alan's idea.
- Good thinking, Al!
You know... I gotta hand it to you, Stu!
This place is paradise.
Not bad, right?
And I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm actually jealous of you.
- I mean, Lauren is an angel.
- Yeah, she really is amazing.
Wow, you guys are sweet.
Not big breasts on her. But still, solid
rack for an Asian.
- Sorry, Teddy, but it's true.
- That's ok.
That is just wildly inappropriate.
And yet... I'm really glad you're here.
All you guys. Even you Alan.
It means a lot that you made the trip.
Thank you.
- Wouldn't have missed it buddy.
- Great!
Now. Can we have our one fucking beer, dad?
Alright. Toast! C'mon stand up guys.
Come over here, Alan!
To Lauren and Stu!
- You did it, buddy.
- Sure did.
Cheers!
What the hell...
What?
Phil...
I think it happened again.
- Alan, what the fuck did you do?
- I didn't do anything. I swear to god.
Your hair is gone.
No, no... up.
Where the fuck are we?
Phil, I'm scared.
Stu, c'mon get up! We got a situation.
- Oh, holy shit!
- Where are we?
- Oh my god, Alan. Your head.
- No your head!
- Is it bald?
- Stu, you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be ok.
- Why? Was it my teeth?
- Nope, it's not your teeth.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
Can you see the bottom?
Oh my god! What the fu...ck
That's good. Why don't you try to wash it off.
It's not coming off. This is a real tattoo!
- Alan, what did you do! Did you Roofie me?
- I didn't do anything!
Stu, he swore to god!
What happened?
Get it off of me!
- What the hell?
- It's a monkey.
What a cute little mask. Hi little monkey.
Alan...
Phone! Alan, go find the phone!
I got it!
- Doug, where the hell are you?
- I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
- You guys coming down or what?
- Oh Jesus. Thank god. Doug's fine.
- Stu, Doug's fine. He's at the resort.
- Why aren't we at the resort.
What's going on? Where are you guys?
I do not know, man! We woke up
in some shit hole room in some city.
- Oh god. What city?
- I don't know, Doug!
Fuckin Asia-town.
- I do not know, I told you.
- Where are we?
- Hey Stu.
- What?
Check this out.
Ever seen anything like this?
- What is that?
- Careful. Might be a spiders nest.
I've tangled with those before.
I don't get it man. We each had one beer
last night, right? I mean you too!
- Yeah but I left early, remember?
- I don't remember shit!
Tracy wasn't feeling well. She came
down to get me.
- Wait and second. Is Teddy with you guys?
- Teddy? What? What are you talking about?
He wasn't in his room. They've been
looking for him all morning.
- Teddy went to Stanford, right?
- Yeah. Why?
Fuck!
- I just found his finger!
- What?
- I just found his fucking finger, Doug!
- Phil, what is going on?
Alright. Alright, alright... this is
what we're gonna do.
You tell the girls that we woke up early and went
on a fishing trip, ok. And that's where we are.
- Right.
- Right, stay by the phone!
Shit!
Uh, we got a little bit of a problem.
What is that?
We don't know.
- Is it a worm?
- It's a mushroom.
Yeah, shiitake.
Monkey, taste it! Is it shiitake?
- He can't understand you.
- He just did.
- Why is he pulling on it?
- He's probably hungry.
Wait a second. Is that...
What the fuck man. Tell that gay monkey
to leave my shit alone.
Chow?
You're fucking crazy.
It's so fucking light in here!
Alan, grab me my sunglasses!
- It's great to see you, Leslie!
- Nice to see you too my little popo.
Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
Alan called me a few days ago and
invited me to the wedding.
- Excuse me?
- What, he's my plus one.
You don't have plus one. It's $200 a plate.
Guys, guys. Just focus, ok.
Chow, what happened?
You guys texted me, said you're fucked
up and looking to party.
I picked you up on my boat and I brought
you here to Bangkok.
But we had a sick night, bitches!
Wait a second Chow, we're in Bangkok?
Holler, city of squalor.
- Do you know how I got this tattoo?
- Uh, yeah from a fucking tattoo guy!
Come on Stu, use that big Jewish brain.
What's the monkey holding?
- That's a finger!
- Stu, I got some bad news.
Teddy was with us last night.
That's his finger.
- Teddy's dead?
- Teddy's not dead! He partied with us all night!
- Well then where is he?
- Don't you remember anything?
- No!
- No, nothing, Chow.
Ok I explain it all, ok?
Just let me do one bump, get my head straight.
Come to papa.
That's a big...
You ready for craziest fucking story ever...
Chow!
Hey Chow, you okay?
You gotta be kidding me.
Fuck, he's dead!
- Help!
- Stu!
- Help!
- Stu, shut up!
- Call an ambulance!
- Shut up! He's dead!
Look if someone comes and finds a dead
body and a pile of cocaine...
We're gonna spend the rest of our fucking
lives in a Thai prison.
Alan! Please don't cry!
Alright. Alright. I just need a second to
figure this out.
ICE MACHINE LOCATED ON 15TH FLOOR.
Look, this is the worst idea, ever.
What the fuck is this place?
Bangkok is the capital of Thailand. Its
population is 12 million people...
Alan, will you help!
- The elevator!
- I'll get the button!
- What the fuck is the deal with this monkey?
- That monkey gets it!
- Come on!
- Fuck no!
The powers out. We gotta take the stairs.
- Oh fuck!
- Come on!
Here it is!
Feet first. I've done this before.
Careful!
- Stu!
- What?
- We still have to find Teddy!
- Oh god.
The roof!
Teddy!
- You guys see him?
- No!
He's not here.
I can't believe this is happening again.
Ok, look. We'll handle this. You get
back there.
You tell them that Alan and I got drunk
with him, we're still partying.
- You gotta go get married!
- No! Not going back without Teddy!
He's Lauren's little brother. He's lost,
he's injured.
If I fuck this up, I lose everything.
Ok.
Alright.
- Alan, check your pockets!
- What?
You know the drill. C'mon there might
be clues.
- Check your phones! Numbers, texts.
- That's a good idea!
- I got nothing. Fuck!
- I got an text from Chow.
- What time?
- Uh, 10 o'clock last night.
- What's it say?
- "On my way, Niggahs"
Oh, Niggahs... ok... hip hop.
We are so... fucked!
Hey Phil! Look who's back!
We gotta get you out of the sun. You're
too hot.
Phil, I really think we should go to
the American Consulate.
For what? To report a dead body we shoved
into an ice machine?
What are we gonna do? Keep walking around
in circles? Cause that's real productive.
You know I'm trying to figure this thing
out here and your attitude is not helping.
I'm sorry. It's a 100 degrees and we
don't have a plan.
And all we've done is buy him hats and sodas.
-What, it's a bag of Fanta!
- Alright, what do you want to do, Stu?
I don't know!
Well then stop yelling at me like it's my fuckin fault.
It is your fault!
All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
Shit! Shut up! It's Doug! Talk to me!
I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD.
They've got him. He's ok.
Oh thank god! Doug found him.
- What happened?
- He got arrested.
- Arrested? For what?
- Disorderly conduct.
- Seriously?
- Yeah! He's ok though.
They'll release him to you. No questions
asked. No one has to know.
He's at the Ratra Wang police station.
Ok. I'll call you when we get there.
Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We
gotta get a cab.
- Ok!
- Alright!
- Yes, I have his paperwork here.
- Okay.
- He has been treated.
- Sounds good.
We're good. They've processed him for
release.
They put him in the drunk tank. He's fine.
Sixteen years old and spent a night in
jail. Can you imagine?
Haha! We love to party.
Here we go!
- Wait who's this fuckin guy?
- Teddy Sisay.
No, no, no, no. That's the wrong guy! Sir!
Excuse me.. I'm sorry. Officer. You brought
the wrong guy. That's not Teddy!
Of course it is!
We have his ID's and everything!
These were in his pocket
when we made the arrest.
They were in his pocket?
Excuse me, sir! How did you get this stuff?
Hello?
Teddy doesn't speak. We tried English,
Thai, Chinese... Nothing.
Let me ask you something.
Does he look like he works out at Bally
Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
Look. We arrest a lot of people. We cannot
analyze everything.
- What do you expect us to do with this guy?
- Not my problem!
Hey guys, I think he knows us. Hi. Hello.
You know where our friend is, Teddy?
He's missing!
- Stu, forget it. The guys worthless.
- He knows something!
He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
Maybe he just doesn't understand. I'll
act it out. Yeah, like charades. Watch.
- Two words.
- Is it a movie?
This is not for you, Alan!
- American teenager... in Asia.
- Karate Kid, with Jaden Smith.
It's easy cause you're talking to him.
Stu, it's a waste of time! Just leave
this fucking guy here.
Here's something. There are 500 thousand
monks living in Thailand.
It is not uncommon for some monks to take
a vow of silence, at the age of eight.
There you go.
- Anything else in that envelope?
- Nah, it's empty.
Woah, hang on. A drink card from White
Lion bar in Bangkok?
Worth a shot.
Jesus christ! Is this the right street?
That's what it says.
- Whoa! This is the White Lion!
- What the fuck happened here?
Holy shit!
(yelling in Thai)
- Let's...
- We should probably...
That's ok.
What the fuck is going on here?
- Whoa, guys. Check it out!
- Holy shit! Stu, look!
That's my face. Go, go go!
Nice work, Alan!
- Hello?
- Be with you in a minute!
- Excuse me.
- Oh, look who it is!
- So what do ya think?
- What, I'm sorry?
- The tattoo. You love it?
- Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
- No refunds. Get the fuck out!
- Wait a second!
Read the sign!
NO REFUNDS. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
We don't want any refunds. We just have
a couple of questions.
We're trying to figure out what went
down last night.
What went down? Take a look at what you
did outside. Half the neighborhood went down.
- We did that?
- You don't remember getting into a bar fight at the White Lion?
- Starting a full on fuckin riot?
- Sir, we don't remember anything.
Oh boy...
Check this out!
Oh shit!
Fuck the Police!
There's Teddy! He was with us!
Jesus christ!
That's when the cops arrived and started
cracking skulls.
I took you guys and hid you in the
shop here.
Then you decided to get a tattoo.
You cried like a little bitch.
This kid is fucking nine years old. He's
got balls twice your size.
- Show him your balls, Nao!
- No, no, no. That's ok.
Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy.
Have you seen him?
Not since last night. Why? What happened?
Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister
tomorrow and we kinda lost him.
- Oh well. Then fuck it!
- What do you mean, fuck it?
Bangkok has him now and she'll never
let him go.
- You hear that, huh? Is this what you
wanted? You happy now?
You're wasting your time. These monks
take their vow shit seriously.
Look at this. That's the sign of the Chang
Mai Monastery, just outside of town.
Maybe somebody over there can get him
to talk.
- Ok, can we just go over this one
more time? You got the beer from...
- The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case.
- Right.
- But, who gave it to you?
- The bartender.
And then you brought em out and
I opened them.
Yeah and Doug had one and he was fine
so it's not the beer.
- So what the hell happened?
- I have no idea!
Hey guys. Check it out. He's got a
Chinese boner.
Alan, come on! Cut it out!
- That is so wrong!
- Don't stop monkey, keep doing it.
When a monkey nibbles on a penis
it's funny in any language!
Keep doing it!
Alright, thank you!
Bye Shannon! Bye Little Wayne!
Wow! So beautiful!
What is this, a PF Chang's?
Ah, they're meditating.
- Such a peaceful people!
- Yeah.
- Knock, knock! Hello!
- Alan! Show some respect!
- Don't get up guys.
- We brought one of your guys back.
He's really funny. He's really nice
and cool.
Hi, how you doing. You the one in charge?
- Excuse me... ow... Wait!
- Stop it! Calm down!
Hold on. It's because we're talking.
God damn it! Oh! Stop!
Wait it's me!
Oh I get it.
No talk! No talk! Shh.. Ok...
Ok.
Late last night, you climbed the walls
of our monastery.
Shouting out questions about love, marriage
and the meaning of life.
Poor brother Han was meditating alone
in the garden.
- And you took him.
- Oh my god!
- We kidnapped a monk.
- We live an alternative life style.
We are so sorry about that, but we weren't
ourselves last night.
Yep, things kinda spun outta control a little
bit. But there's a boy who's missing and hurt.
Can you find out if he knows where our
friend is?
Brother Han took a vow of silence many
years ago.
It would be useless to try.
Well maybe he can write down what happened,
on a piece of paper?
Actually Phil, that would be cheating.
Isn't that right, Grand Wizard.
- Alan!
- I'm afraid fatty is right.
See?... What?
None of us will ever know what brother
Han knows.
Oh, alright. Well, so much for holy people.
Bunch of bald assholes. C'mon, let's go.
Hey you know what! FYI! You may want to
put some signs up that say no talking...
- ...before you unleash your dragon.
- Yeah, that was a little rough.
And "your welcome" for bringing him
back safe.
- You know we found him in the drunk tank.
- Yeah well we did take him in the first place.
- C'mon guys, let's go.
- Wait!
The Buddha teach, every memory lives
somewhere deep within.
Perhaps you should bring your question
to the Garden of Meditation.
- Did you understand a word he just said?
- Yeah, yeah. About two thirds.
He said something about the Garden of
Meditation?
No, he said he's farting because of
his medication.
I get that.
It's a waste of time. I don't remember
anything. Do you?
No. I got nothing. Alan?
Alan!
"Every memory lives somewhere deep within"
- Sweetie.
- What?
You have visitors.
- Hey, Alan!
- Hey, guys!
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey buddy!
Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- Is this true, Stuart?
- Yeah, why not. It'll be fun.
Fuck!
- For Lauren and Stu!
- Cheers!
- Chow!
- We had a sick night bitches!
Alan, what the fuck!
Is that person coming to the wedding?
- There is no wolfpack.
- Alan, Alan, don't do that!
And finally...
The three best friends anyone could have.
Fuck the Police!
I know where to go.
- What do you think, Alan?
- This is the place.
C'mon. Let's go.
I don't remember any of this!
- Yeah Alan, you sure this is the place?
- Yeah, pretty sure.
Rose! Harmony!
Is he coming or what? I've been waiting
all day for him.
- I'm sorry. Waiting for who?
- Chow, that dick ass fuck!
- Why? What's wrong?
- Nothings wrong.
Ok, good. Look at this. Look what I
bring for him. Check it out, huh.
- No, no!
- $ 6,000 American.
Wow looks so real!
Sorry!
- Alan, what the fuck!
- It's ok. The gun, it's very sensitive.
Everybody ok?
Ok, then get the fuck back to work!
Come on. Music, please!
Where is my 6,000 dollars?
got nothing to do with that.
Un-fucking believable.
This guy, if he backs out again, the
shits gonna catch up with him.
He's made a lot of enemies in this town,
and now they're gonna be your enemies.
That's not fair!
Ok listen. We're just looking for a
little kid.
- 2,000 dollars.
- What!
I don't know, maybe more. How young you
want this kid to be?
No, no! Sorry, you misunderstood. We're
looking for our friend... 16 years old.
- Teddy.
- Teddy?
- Yeah he was here with you guys last night.
- He was?
Do you know if he left with us?
I don't know. You were in the corner all
night with Kimmy.
- I didn't see you leave.
- Kimmy?
- Is she here?
- Yes, she's in the back. She just came for her shit.
Go and talk to her.
Alright, listen. I'm sorry about everything
that happened.
Listen to me, ok? Pay attention to what
I'm going to talk to you know.
When you see Chow, you tell him Samir
says "Hello".
Okay!
But do it like that, ok! "Hello" like
threatening. Like, ironic.
- "Hellooo"
- Okay!
Go away! Go away!
??
Of course I remember him. He was buying
shots for everyone.
Nice kid! His parents must be so proud.
You have no idea.
Ok, so do you remember if he left with us?
Yeah, you were all leaving together, but
you almost forgot this one right here.
Right, super star?
This one was following me around like a
little puppy dog. All night.
Saying he'd fallen in love with me. Asked
me to marry him.
Classic Stu!
- We didn't get married, did we?
- Course not!
We just had some fun in the Chardonnay room.
- What happens in the Chardonnay room?
- Let's just stay on task.
I danced for him. He tickled me. We had sex.
- Fuck!
- It's ok. You're not married yet.
- No big deal.
- It's cheating!
No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
It's a violation of my moral code.
Don't be sad. Stu you loved it. You were
crying, saying how special it was.
- Wait! I'm sorry. He was crying?
- What a baby. He was crying.
You should have seen him. He was so
sexy. The way he moved around.
I had to ask him to slow down so I didn't
drop my load too quick.
- Load? What load?
- Oh, you know... My sperms.
I think your English is off. You're talking
about my sperm!
- Where would your sperm come from?
- From my balls!
- Hold on! Back up!
- Wait... Are you...
Hey. You're in Bangkok, sweetie.
- There's a reason they don't call it "Bang-cunt".
- Oh!
- Oh god!
- Wow.
I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
Come on, Stu, it was beautiful. We climaxed
at the same time.
How's that work?
Shoot my load into you. Shoot your load
on the floor.
- Ok!
- You ruined me. Ruined bottom.
Oh god!
- Stu! It's not the end of the world.
- Sorry, but I'm so confused.
I made love to a man... with boobies.
Listen. I promise you no ones ever gonna
find out about this.
But we found out about it.
And then we forget. That's what we do!
I do so much fucked up shit. And I just
forget about it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah! Just forget! It goes away!
That might be harder to go away, but in
time it'll happen.
I certainly do. Just gonna forget about it.
- Never happened.
- Great!
Phone! Phone! Who is it? Answer!
Lauren's dad. He just reminded me...
- Answer it!
- I can't.
What! He might know something about Teddy.
C'mon we still have a shot here.
Get your head back into the fucking game, Stu!
Hello?
Who takes an all day fishing trip the
day before a wedding?
- Yeah, I guess that is kinda stupid.
- Put Teddy on the phone.
- Teddy's seasick actually.
- Seasick?
- Teddy's been a Maritime cadet since he was nine.
- That's weird, cause he's puking everywhere.
I'm gonna tell you something that you do
not know.
- I don't like you.
- Yeah,I knew that already.
If my daughter chooses you,
that's her problem.
This is ??.
Hey it's Phil Winnick!
Listen, I apologize. We've been reelin
in some crazy Marlin and I just wanna say...
Phil!
- Jesus!
- Phil!
Fuck me!
- Give us back our monkey!
- What monkey? Get your own monkey!
Come on, you asshole, the fucking monkey!
Come on!
Anytime, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us!
This is our monkey!
No one's getting shot over a fucking monkey!
Hand him over, now!
God, I've never given him no monkeys.
No, no ...
Hey Phil, check it out. He's got a banana
on his helmet. He's the real deal.
What the fuck's happening?
Hold on! How did this happen? Do you
know where our friend is?
- Yeah. Sixteen years old. Asian kid.
- (says something in Russian?)
No, I don't understand what you said! No, I
didn't understand!
What'd he say?
He said fuck you and your questions!
- Oh, my arm!
- Philip, are you okay?
Oh I got shot! Fuck! Fuck this!
It's alright, Phil! It's alright!
We'll figure this out and get the monkey
back, I promise.
Who gives a fuck about the monkey!
- What the fuck is going on?
- Stu, am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor.
I don't know, let me look!
What?
Don't look at it!
Stuart Price! Get your ass back over here!
- You got shot!
- I know!
- Whoa, you all right?
- Yeah, I'm ok.
Actually, bullet just grazed my arm.
Eight stitches.
Only cost six dollars. How is that even
possible?
How's any of this even possible?
If I was a foot to my left, Stu, I'd be dead.
What are we gonna do?
I'm sorry guys. This wasn't part of the plan.
- What plan, Alan?
- I've said too much already.
Alan! What plan?
- It's all Teddy's fault.
- What are you talking about, Alan?
Why is he even here? He's not part of
the wolf pack!
- Alan, what did you do?
- It's not my fault!
Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag.
- What bag?
- The marshmallows.
I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
But it was dark and it was hard to keep
track.
And then, you almost sat on em. I couldn't
tell which was which.
- It was mayhem!
- What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan?
Alan, what did you do?
Isn't it obvious?
I spiked them with muscle relaxers. And
plus my ADHD medication.
- What?
- You drugged us again?!
Not you! I just wanted to knock out Teddy for a
little while so we could finally enjoy the weekend.
Enjoy the weekend? Alan, you told me that
you didn't do anything!
Alan, you swore to god!
I just wanted things to stay the same.
Like at my face! You ruined my life!
You're not my friend!
Don't say that, Phil! You're serious?
Even in America?
- Yes!
- Oh God! Don't say that, Phil!
- Don't start crying, Alan!
- You're the bearded devil!
You liked it! You smiled at me when I
handed you the bag with marshmallows.
Because I like marshmallows, you
fucking psycho!
Hey! Whoa! Hold on!
Enough!
- Why, Alan? Why?
- Stu!
Because we're the three best
friends, remember?
Remember?
Stu, that's enough...
Guys, we can't fall apart now. We gotta
stick together.
- Alan, what's that written on your belly?
- What? Huh?
Lebua Hotel, Saturday six pm.
- You write that?
- No!
Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
What about England, Phil? Will we still
be friends there?
Alan, I already told you. It was in the heat of the
moment. We're still friends. All over the world.
- Even Great Britain?
- Yeah.
What about you, Stu?
We'll see.
Gentlemen, follow me.
Here you go.
Well. About time! Sit down.
Come on, sit.
Wow, you guys look like shit.
- Uh, do we know you?
- Hey!
Take off your fuckin hat. You're in a
restaurant for christs sake. C'mon.
Ok, listen. We have no clue what's
going on here.
You know, they sell a Plum whiskey here,
it's fuckin unreal.
Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up! Oh, I'm
sorry. You guys already got fucked up, didn't you.
- Uh, listen, I'm a little confused. How did you...
- You know what? I am a little fuckin confused!
Where's Chow? With the fuckin account
code and the fuckin password!
We don't know anything about any codes. We're
just trying to find our friend.
- Teddy?
- Yes! Teddy! Have you seen?
Hmm, let's see...
There's Teddy!
Holy shit! It's from last night.
- Who are you?
- I'm a businessman.
And I've invested a large chunk of capital
in your friend Chow.
And in return, he was supposed to transfer
my profits electronically.
About five fuckin minutes ago.
So last night, we took Teddy as insurance.
- Oh my god! Is he okay?
- Oh my god, I wasn't done talking.
You tell Chow, that we are having breakfast
on the roof of this hotel...
...tomorrow morning at eight am.
Or if he makes the transfer, you will
get Teddy.
If not well then hey, you know...
it's Bangkok.
That's your cue to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
Alan leave the hat.
Atta boy.
We're fucked! Chow's dead. What do we do now?
The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow, Stu.
This whole things about a fucking bank account.
Let's just go back to the hotel. We'll
search Chow's body.
Hopefully the password's in his
wallet or something.
- And what if it isn't?
- He's gonna kill Teddy.
Just relax. We have until 8am tomorrow
to figure it out.
First the monkey and now my hat. How
much worse can this day get.
Jesus christ!
Well we're livin here in Alan town. And
he's drivin our lives into the ground.
When we woke up we were wasted and drunk.
Phil got shot. We got beaten by a monk.
I was happy, and my life was good.
Getting married like a dentist should.
Roasting marshmallows on a stick.
I got fucked in the ass... by a girl
with a dick.
Oh yeah, remember that.
And we're livin in Alan town.
There's water everywhere.
Yeah it's cause it melted, Stu. The
fuckin powers out.
With an inadequate electrical grid,
serving millions of people
Bangkok experiences 1500 power
outages per year.
Seriously, Alan. That's enough!
Out of the way!
We got it.
Oh my god!
Chow, calm down!
- You put the chill on me?
- No, no!
It's okay.
Relax!
It's just us. Breathe!
It was so cold.
- We're gonna warm you up.
- I was so cold!
- You did good, buddy. You did good.
- I did good.
Feelin better?
- Alright, you warm enough?
- I don't know.
Come feel my bowels and tell me.
I've been locked in a fuckin ice box
all day!
Hey Alan, if you want my sunglasses...
...just ask Chow. You don't have to kill me.
Chow, nobody killed you. You were already
dead. You didn't have a pulse.
Oh, you never do blow before?
Sometimes your heart stop... start
up again.
- Read a book!
- Look I'm sorry. We're having a bad day.
Oh, you're having a bad day! Did you die?
- I got shot!
- But did you die?
Chow, some guy told us that you got
a bank code or something...
...and if we don't bring it to him first
think in the morning...
...he's gonna kill Teddy.
Who, Kingsley? He harmless. Don't worry.
I got the bank codes.
Great! Alright, we gotta meet him at 8am.
Who is that fuckin guy, anyway?
- An investor in my business.
- Yeah, what business is that?
It's called "not your business" ok!
- Oh, where's the monkey?
- The monkey...
Yeah I put the account number and
password in his vest. Where is he?
- Why would you do that?
- Safe keeping, pretty boy.
I got a lotta heat on my ass. I got
FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...
That little monkey snorting coke with me
all night...
Jerkin me off while I watched Stu make
fuckin lady boy.
- He not going anywhere.
- We don't have the monkey, Chow.
Oh, some Russian thugs took him from us.
Oh you fucking guys!
Okay. No problem. We just have to get
him back.
- From where?
- From the same place we took him from.
This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
Every night, monkey drug mule.
He take coke to buyer...
And deliver cash to dealer. He
middle man.
Dealer never handle drug directly.
He clean.
- That's terrible.
- Not terrible. What he talking about. Fucking genius.
You ever see monkey go to jail?
We just take the monkey for deal, he come
close, we take his vest. That's that.
- We get some blow too, you know... bump.
- No, no more bumps, Chow.
This is ridiculous.
Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle. Shake your
monkey.
Alright, here we go.
Come on!
How did we wind up with the monkey
last night anyway?
I needed some blow and Alan thought
he was cute...
...so we stole him!
So stupid!
Stu, ready to grab vest?
- Okay. I just grab it?
- Yeah, just do it. Just do it.
- Hey, little monkey.
- Alan, be quiet.
- Fuck!
- We gotta go, right now!
- Pull that fuckin monkey in!
- I'm trying!
Shit!
- Get that monkey in here, Stu!
- He won't let go!
Stu, get back in the car! Right now!
I'm trying! Slow down!
He's so strong!
Let go you fuckin monkey!
- Look out!
- Oh shit! Tight squeeze!
I got him!
- Where's the code, Chow?
- Check his little vest.
- Got it, Alan?
- Yes, I got a .
- Slow down Chow!
- Hold on, J-Birds.
Holy Shit!
Don't worry. I got this shit!
Pig!
Oh, my word.
Sorry, Stu! My bad!
Oh, shit!
Get down!
What the fuck!
Oh no! He shot the monkey!
They shot the monkey.
I'm at my wits end.
He's coming back around.
Look out!
- Holy fuck!
- Oh no...
- Everyone alright?
- Yeah.
I have such an erection right now!
Are you for real?
They're gonna take good care of you
here, ok.
What's that?
Oh, yeah. Cigarettes. Got em right here.
Here you go.
Right here.
Deep breathe. Good.
Soak it in.
Breathe the smoke into your tiny
little lungs. There you go.
It's funny. I've never been much of a
smoker, but...
Boy does it look cool on you.
Alan, c'mon! Let's go!
I'll miss you, monkey.
I wish monkeys could Skype.
Maybe one day...
Come on! Get in!
Are you guys seriously this calm?
Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
You ever do anything that doesn't end
up in a standoff, Chow?
I'm an international criminal. It always
ends like this.
I met my wife at one of these things.
- You got a wife?
- Yeah, we married 15 years.
What, I not good looking enough for woman?
No, that's cool.
Let's do this!
- Welcome to the Tower Club.
- Blah blah blah, who cares.
Stop! Chow crossing.
- Hey, Kingsley!
- Well, well.
Propecia looking nice!
You been hitting the gym?
Yes I am actually. Thank you for
noticing, Chow.
Hey, guys. Have a seat.
- Where's Teddy?
- He's waiting downstairs in my car.
Send him up when the transfer is complete.
Tell you what. Give me extra 50 grand, you
keep Teddy.
And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
- Chow.. Chow...
- Could we move this along!
Alan, account number. Come on, come on.
- Password?
- "baloney1"
Your password is "baloney1" ?
Well it used to be just "baloney" but
now they make you add number.
Fuckin annoying.
- And it's that easy.
- Ta dah!
Oh look. You sunk my battleship.
- Great, now can we please have Teddy?
- Yeah. Bring him up.
See. We go to your wedding. We have fun. I
bust a nut.
We did it, Stu. It's over!
This is Bangkok police! Everybody down!
Oh, nuts!
Kingsley, you're fucking Five-O?
Gotcha, Leslie!
Get him outta here.
Go! Just do it! Go!
How the fuck...
Samir, you fucked me over six grand?
You camel jockey!
You spit on me?
Six grand this time, eight grand last time.
It's not the money, man, it's the principle!
Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
Call me nigga... don't call me "nigga"!
- Put em in, motherfucker!
- He's an asshole, man.
You guys ok?
- What the fucks going on?
- Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
- You're a cop?
- Yes.
This sting operation has been in place
for weeks.
When Samir told us that your friend
was lost...
We took advantage of that information.
I'm sorry.
- So can Teddy come out of the car now?
- No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fuckin car!
They don't have him. They never had him.
They just needed us to bring them Chow.
They used Teddy as bait.
- Do you have any leads at all?
- No. We've checked everywhere.
No one has seen him. I'm sorry.
If you haven't found him by now, I'm afraid
Bangkok has him.
Why do people keep saying that?
Stu... It's time.
Alan...
-I'm sorry.
- Don't say that. Please.
- No this time we really fucked up.
- Oh god! How bad?
Like, no wedding bad?
Yeah... a little worse than that!
Ok, how about this? He fell off
the fishing boat and drowned.
No.
Ok, I got it. Teddy was hit by a truck.
- Alan!
- Not a good time, Phil. Kinda busy!
How many people get run over here?
- Over 1200 a year, Phil.
- Perfect!
His body was too mangled to recover.
Case closed.
Can I get more ice, please?
I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
- Stu, do you want this or not?
- Look at what I've done, Phil. What I do.
I have a weakness for prostitutes. All
kinds, apparently.
- I have a demon in me!
- So what?
Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
Just let her live her life without me.
Stu!
I want you to call Doug and tell him I'm
never coming back.
Gettin off the hamster wheel.
Gonna stay here in Bangkok.
I think I belong here.
Open up a little dentists office.
Deep cleanings, with a happy ending.
You sure about this?
Hey, what the crud!
Powers out, Alan.
- Phil!
- Doug.
- I need answers, man.
- I know...
Doug, who are you talking to?
- What?
- Give me the phone!
Lauren, no! That's a private...
Who is this?
- Lauren?
- Phil? Tell me what's going on, right now!
We lost your little brother.
- What?
- Bangkok has him now.
You gotta take the stairs.
You're in Bangkok?
Ooh, that's a finger!
Put Stu on the phone!
Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages
per year.
Stu really doesn't want to talk to anybody.
- Water everywhere. Powers out.
Come on, Stu, use that big Jewish brain
Phil! Give me the phone!
- It's Lauren! I got it! I'm handling it!
- I know.!
- Give me the fuckin...
- I can handle it, Stu!
She's gonna break your heart!
Honey, sweetheart, it's me! I'm so sorry!
Stu? What the hell is going on? What does he
mean you lost Teddy?
What? Is that what Phil said?
No no no. We misplaced, Teddy.
But we're all good now. We heading back to the
hotel. We're gonna see you soon!
I love you so much! And I gotta go, but
I'll see you soon. Bye.
Stu!
- Stu!
- God!
Taxi!
Come on, Alan!
Hey, you mind filling us in!
Ok, now when we woke up, the power was out.
And you found Teddy's finger in what?
- In a pool of water.
- But it didn't start out as water.
No, it was ice.
Exactly! Teddy got ice from the machine...
...came back to the room. Put his finger
on ice and fell asleep.
Now what do you do if you wake up...
...and you find your finger floating in
a bowl of melted ice?
I'd get more ice, Stu... on the 15th
fuckin floor!
Yes! Teddy goes up, the power goes out...
- Holy shit! Of course!
- He's at the ice machine.
Alan, no!
It's on ten!
- Sir, is the elevator stuck?
- ??.
- C'mon!
- Go, go, go!
Hey, Teddy!
Look out, look out!
- Teddy!
- You're ok!
Teddy, you okay? You ok, man?
- Where am I?
- You're in an elevator, in the middle of Bangkok.
But we're gonna get you outta here. It's
gonna be fine.
Hey Stu, nice tattoo.
Thanks, man.
Alright, let's do this! C'mon, c'mon!
Tell him we found him.
Yeah, I know. But we're on our way. Ok, bye!
Alright, guests are arriving, people starting
to ask questions, but we can still pull this off!
- How?
- I don't know, with a taxi?
- Chow's speed boat.
- What?
Last think I remember, was getting off
Chow's speed boat.
- Chow has a speed boat?
- "The Perfect Life".
C'mon!
Stu, get that back line.
Good jump, Phil!
- You alright?
- Yeah.
- You sure you know how to drive this thing?
Please, I was raised in a yacht club. I
know what I'm doing.
You know where we're going?
Leave it to the Captain!
Oh fuck you, Alan!
Do you know where we're going, Captain?
Affirmative cadet!
We're going south.
- We're in the Gulf of Thailand.
- Good.
Hey! You okay?
- Feeling a little better.
- Alright!
Listen Teddy. I'm really sorry! We didn't
mean for any of this to happen.
It's funny. I can't remember anything
But... when I woke up, I was kinda happy.
Yeah!
By the way... Do you have any idea
where my finger is?
Yeah, we gave it to a drug dealing
monkey.
Bangkok...
Yeah, right... fuckin Bangkok!
I apologize. There will be no wedding!
He is on his way. He will be here...
Please, if you will all move to the bar.
We are going to clear this area.
Please!
I'm telling you, I spoke to him. He's coming.
Look! There they are!
Stu!
- Alan, there's no dock.
- Just hang on!
- Alan, it's not funny! Turn the boat!
- Hang on!
- Is that Alan driving the boat?
- What?
Uh, we should probably move back a little bit.
Oh my god!
Turn the boat!
Everyone back up a little bit here.
Sir, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
Hi! Hi everybody!
Came in a little hotter than we planned.
I'm sorry we trenched the lawn here.
Totally fixable. A little bit of sod, it'll
be fine.
- Baby!
- Oh my god!
I'm so happy to see you!
- Teddy! Teddy here.
- Hi, Dad!
- You alright?
- Yeah, ok.
- Your hand!
- I know.
We had an accident. I'm ok.
This is your fault!
- Dad.
- He's right. I have not been completely honest.
- Stu? Don't do this.
-Yeah?
Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
You said I'm a joke.Well I'm not.
I'm not some weird, milky, ricy, watery
that you feed to infants and old people, ok!
Maybe I would be if you added some
cayenne pepper!
I wish I was a boring dentist...
...who had a boring life and boring friends...
... but I don't and I'm not.
I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
It's not weird. It's pretty cool
actually. No membership fees.
I've had enough of this. Come here.
Whoa! Here's the deal man.
- I got a dark side!
There's a demon in me!
It's true, he has semen in him.
I said demon.
- But you also have semen in you, remember?
- Not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
The point is, this demon takes me to
some pretty weird places.
We lost Teddy for two days in Bangkok.
But that same demon took us to
hell and back to find him.
We took on Bangkok and we won.
Now that's pretty fuckin cool if you ask me!
I love your daughter, and I'm
gonna marry her.
- Unless you have any problem with that?
- I'm good.
But all that said, it would actually mean
a great deal to both of us...
...if we could just get your mother fucking
blessing!
Hey, Alan...
- That looks pretty cool shaved.
- Thanks, Phil.
You should shave your head too.
- Why would I do that?
- Well than we would look exactly alike.
- Take good care of my daughter, Stu.
- I will.
I'm sorry we almost killed everyone with
the boat.
Just happy you're here.
And don't worry about the tattoo. I'm gonna
have it lasered as soon as we're home in LA.
- That's ok. I can get used to it.
- Really?
But for now, let's switch sides?
- Yeah, ok.
- Thank you.
Much better.
Dear family and friends. On behalf of Stu and Lauren...
...I welcome all of you, to this
marriage celebration.
We are here today to...
Hey buddy. Can you hold on for a second.
Thank you.
Hello? Hi everyone!
My name's Alan Garner.
I want to thank the Asiatic people for
allowing us in your land.
I wanted to say that, um, I'm really
happy to be here...
...and I have a wedding gift to present
to Lauren and Stu.
And um, a lot of thought has gone into this...
...and I hope that you appreciate it as
much as I did, or going to.
Okay, guys!
Oh, fuck!
Alan!
What the fuck?
- So what do ya think?
- That's insane! How did you do that?
My dad had to make a lot of calls.
I told Mike that you gotta do it. It's
for my third best friend.
Alan, it's amazing!
I love it! Thank you so much!
We only have him for tonight. We don't
have him permanently.
Understood!
- You do a lot of public speaking, Alan?
- I barely ??
Mike, you were great. It's true, that
was incredible.
Thanks, guys. That means a lot, really!
By the way, you really need to remove that
fuckin tattoo from your face!
Yeah! On it!
Sorry about the last minute change up
to the performance, Mike.
- Don't worry, Alan.
- What are you talking about?
Well he was originally supposed to sing
"Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers...
...but then I remembered you don't like indie rock.
Hey guys. You're not gonna believe this.
- Is that your phone?
- Yeah.
How come you never tried calling us?
It's been dead for two days.
But I recharged it and found all
these photos.
What?
- Shit!
- Yeah, some of it's pretty messed up.
- Awesome, let's check em out.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No one needs to see this stuff!
C'mon man! I'm Mike Tyson. I've seen everything!
- It'll be fine.
- (mumbles something)
- Alright, we look at it once.
- And then we delete them. It's gonna be ok.
- Oh, ooh!
- Mother fucker!